


We're Bound To Be Afraid

by Glitterwriter



Series: Vampires and Mates [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Love, M/M, Mating, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 05:29:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitterwriter/pseuds/Glitterwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vampires mate for life. Every vampire wants to receive the mating-call, to find his mate. Adam is not like that. He is an unfinished vampire, hurt and lonely. When he finds his mate, he runs away and tries to hide. But the bond between two mates makes it impossible to hide. Will Adam be able to get over his fears and accept the calling? Will the one true love he found in Sauli be able to change his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May 2010

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GRBB and for [glamtastic207](http://glamtastic207.livejournal.com/profile) your banner was the perfect inspiration for a story that was on my mind since a while. Hope you like it :)  
> Please visit the page for the art and give that great artist some love :) [Vampire Pics](http://glamtastic207.livejournal.com/14233.html)
> 
> Beta: [beniblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/beniblue) thank you so much for making my story shine! You are golden <3
> 
> I'm shamelessly stealing facts about my vampires from different books or series to mix them the way I need them.
> 
> I used the timeline of events in 2010/2011 as much as it was working for my story.
> 
> No offense to any of the real persons I used to tell the story. I don't own them, I only own that story. I would like you to not tweet that fic to any of the persons you might recognize here.
> 
> And yes: completely AU, never happened, I am just telling you a fairytale ;)
> 
> A big thank you to the mods of GRBB, it was amazing to be part of that :)

 

_Come into these arms again_  
 _and lay your body down_  
 _The rhythm of this trembling heart_  
 _is beating like a drum_  
 _It beats for you it bleeds for you_  
 _it knows not how it sounds_  
 _For it is the drum of drums_  
 _it is the song of songs_

_Once I had the rarest rose_  
 _that ever deemed to bloom_  
 _Cruel winter chilled the bud_  
 _and stole my flower too soon_  
 _Oh loneliness Oh hopelessness_  
 _to search the ends of time_  
 _For there is in all the world_  
 _no greater love than mine._

_Love o love o .... still falls the rain_  
 _Love o love o .... still falls the night_  
 _Love o love o .... damned forever_

_Let me be the only one_  
 _to keep you from the cold_  
 _Now the floor of heaven is laid_  
 _the stars are bright as gold_  
 _They shine for you they shine for you_  
 _they burn for all to see_  
 _Come into these arms again_  
 _and set this spirit free_

****

**_Love Song For A Vampire – Annie Lennox_ **

**May 2010**

Adam was tired. The promotion tour was exhausting even for a vampire. He needed a break. Some time to catch his breath. Everything was crushing down on him; the good things but also the bad ones. Being a vampire didn’t protect you from getting hurt. Indeed, it made the hurt even worse.

On top of all that he was lonely. It was hopeless to find someone to share eternity with. He’d been on his own for so many years already. He met some people over time. Some of them were really interesting. But since he wasn’t human any longer he didn’t seem to feel love anymore either. The ability to love seemed to be gone.

He turned around to watch people prepare his performance for the Finnish X-Factor. He liked Finland. Somehow he felt safe and less lost here.

He smiled at Tommy while they started the sound check. Tommy has become a close friend over the last months. He was one of the few people who knew that Adam was a vampire. He didn’t plan to tell anyone else. But when they met, Tommy recognized him for what he was right away, because he knew some other vampires.

Adam didn’t have any connection to other vampires. He avoided them. He avoided humans too, but only out of fear to be discovered as a vampire.

After the show Adam felt the need to go out. The night was calling for him.

He stumbled through the dressing room while changing into some casual clothes. He felt Tommy’s eyes on him and gave him a sad smile. Tommy came closer.

“Do you need blood? You know you can feed from me. It’s safer than drinking blood from a stranger.”

Adam sighed and squeezed Tommy’s shoulder. “I don’t need to feed. I just need some time to sort my thoughts out. Don’t worry about me, Tommy. I’m a big bad vampire. I can take care for myself.”

Tommy grinned and nodded. “I’m not so sure about that. Just watch your back.”

Adam pulled him into a hug. “Thank you, Tommy.”

After that he walked out into the night.

The darkness fell around him when he started walking towards whatever was waiting out there for him. He walked on and on. He let his thoughts drift into the past, to a life that was gone forever.

He could still remember how it felt to be loved. He remembered his family, his friends and his lover.  He lost them all a long time ago. He lost them the night his maker found him dying after an attack. He gave him the kiss of death and promised him a life filled with excitement and happiness; a good life that would last forever.

But the price he paid was so much higher than what he’d expected. His family never got to see him again. They simply thought he’d disappeared. When he saw them dying over the years, a part of him wanted to keep them. He wanted to bring them over to the darkness that he was living in. But he couldn’t do that to them. There was nothing good in his life anymore, nothing besides music.

Jeremy soon found someone new. Obviously the love that he’d promised to be forever wasn’t the same forever that Adam wanted it to be. Jeremy broke his cold heart. He was the last person Adam loved; the last man that was supposed to be his. And now it seemed as if he was meant to stay alone.

Only forever was now literally forever.

He looked around. He didn’t know where he was. His inner animal had kept him running further and further away from the hotel they were staying in. After a while he found himself standing in front of a huge house in the middle of Helsinki and his animal wanted him to go into the house. He was too tired to stop it and soon he was standing on a balcony. The door was open and he could feel the calling whisper of his name flying around him in the wind.

“Adam, come to me!”

Again he felt that irresistible pull and he stumbled forward and stepped into the house.

The moment he stepped into the room, he felt at peace. It was such an odd feeling after all these years he almost fell to his knees in relief. Then he saw the big bed right in front of him and the pull became unbearable. The animal was right underneath his skin, pushing and pulling on him. Adam tried to calm it down, keep it in check. He breathed in and out a few times. Then he took a step towards the bed. And there was this voice again, calling out for him.

“Adam!”

He couldn’t understand what was going on.

_Who is calling for me?_

He leaned over the figure lying on the bed. The man was sleeping. He could see the features in the moonlight. His face was so beautifully structured, he seemed almost unreal. Adam let his eyes wander over his cheeks and lips. They were slightly open and Adam felt a huge urge to bite on them. A hunger for something he lost all those years ago burned inside of him. He felt the animal pushing him towards the man and he could only barely hold back.

_What was going on here? Why did I allow the animal to take me here? That is not me; I don’t break into people’s homes!_

Still he couldn’t look away.

“Adam, you came to me.”

The whispered words were running around in his mind. He felt his fangs pushing to come out. Every part of his vampire being wanted that man. He couldn’t resist anymore, with his fingertips he stroked gently over one cheek.

The second he touched the skin, the animal inside howled out.

“ _Make him ours! Claim him!_ ”

Adam jumped back and away from the bed. He needed to get away from the man. Just when he was about to get to the door the animal pushed a last time and cried out inside Adam:

_“MINE!”_

He managed to overpower the animal and ran out to the balcony. He jumped down and ran as fast as he could. He needed to get away from that house and from the voice still calling for him. The vampire in him was restless and hurt. It howled the whole way to the hotel in despair, begging him to go back.

He didn’t.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli woke up with a start. He tried to catch his breath. Immediately he knew that _he_ had been here. He could smell _his_ scent and his body whined in yearning for _him_. He looked around, but he was alone. He jumped out of his bed and ran out on his balcony. _He_ was gone; all Sauli could hear were footsteps running away from him.

He felt tears running down his face. Unspoken words tasted like poison on his tongue.

_“Adam, come back. Please, come back to me!”_

But the footsteps quieted down and finally there was just silent darkness left. Adam was gone.

Sauli was standing on the balcony for a while. He hoped Adam would come back. But he didn’t. He had been so close and now again so far away. There was so much distance between them. Sauli let tears take over while he stepped back into his bedroom. He took his phone and dialed the first person on his list.

“Sara, can you come over? I need you. He was here, but he didn’t stay. Why didn’t he stay? Why?”

Sauli let his tears fall down while he was waiting for his sister. Adam left him and there was nothing he could do to stop the pain.

~ ♥ ~

Adam stepped into the hotel lobby and saw Tommy sitting in a corner talking to a girl. When he saw Adam, he politely dismissed her and walked over to him. Adam knew that he must look like a crazy man and out of touch to Tommy. He was not able to catch his breath and the animal inside him was still crying in pain. It felt like it was trying to rip him open to get out, to be able to go back to that man.

Tommy didn’t say anything and just pushed him towards the elevator. As soon as they were inside, Adam broke down and let Tommy hug him. He couldn’t even say why he was crying, but he couldn’t stop either. Tommy held him the whole way up to their floor and then down the hall to Adam’s room.

Once inside they sat down on the floor and Adam cried until there were no more tears left. Tommy held him through it all and waited. Finally Adam calmed down enough to be able to talk.

“I think I found my mate tonight.”

Tommy pulled away and looked Adam in the eyes. “What?”

Adam sighed. “Every vampire has a mate, a person who is meant for him. We are meant to find that one person and to be with them. They complete us.”

Tommy looked at Adam with a puzzled expression on his face. “I know about that mate thing, but how and where?”

Adam closed his eyes and held his breath for a while. “I just found him tonight. I found my mate.”

Tommy was still confused. “But isn’t that a good thing? You always feel lonely?”

Adam let his head fall back against the wall. “This is not like falling in love, Tommy. I don’t have a choice. It is forced on me. I don’t have a say in this.”

Tears welled up in his eyes again and Tommy pulled him into another hug.

“I don’t know exactly how it works, but I know that I am not asked. It is not about love Tommy. And I don’t want that. I just don’t want that! Everything was forced on me since the night I died. I don’t want that. I can’t take it anymore.”

Tommy sighed. “You should talk about that with someone. As far as I know, your maker should have told you something about that. He should have helped you be able to embrace your life as a vampire.”

Adam snorted. “My maker? My fucking maker is an asshole. He hired some criminals to jump me, so he had an excuse to turn me. The real reason why I became a vampire was because my maker wanted to have someone to play with. He was gay and he couldn’t find another gay vampire. He told me how rare gay vampires are. When he met me and found out that I was gay, he wanted to have me. So he arranged this robbery and my death to get me. I found out what he did some years after he turned me. I left right after that and haven’t seen him again since. I’ve been alone since then, I don’t have anybody to ask anything.”

Adam sighed.

“All he showed me was how to feed and how to get blood from humans without killing them. I also learned how to make them forget, you know, the whole ‘how to manipulate their thoughts’ thing. So he gave me the vampire 101; nothing more. I had to find things out on my own. But there was never a need to find out how that mating thing works or how I can break it.”

Tommy looked at Adam for a few minutes and then started to go through his contacts. “I think it’s time for you to meet my friend Luther. He is a vampire and he might be able to help you since he is older than you. He is also living with his mate since, you know, forever.”

Adam looked at him and took Tommy’s hand before he could make the call. “I don’t know if it will help me. I’m a loner. I don’t think other vampires will give me a chance. My maker always told me to keep away from them. He said, they didn’t like gay vampires and might try to kill me.”

Tommy shook his head and pulled Adam into a tight hug. “Adam, this is not true! I should have taken you to Luther months ago. I’m sorry, that you feel that way. But you don’t have to fear anything. I promise.”

Adam pulled back to look at Tommy. Tommy’s heart was breaking when he could see all the fear in Adam’s eyes.

“Please Tommy; I need to leave Finland right now. I can still feel him calling for me. Please, I need to get away; I need to put distance between us. I need to go back to LA. I want to go home.”

Adam was sobbing again and Tommy squeezed his hand. “Okay, I will call Lane to make this possible. And I will call Luther when we are home. I really think it would be good for you to get to know him. Maybe he could fix what your maker should have done right in the first place.”

Adam nodded and sighed again. He was not sure he was ready to meet a vampire, but he trusted Tommy.

Everything would be better once he was home.

~ ♥ ~

“Sara, he didn’t stay. He left me.”

Sauli couldn’t stop repeating it over and over again. His sister was holding him tight and kept saying soothing words. After a while Sauli seemed to feel better.

“Thank you for coming over.”

Sara kissed his forehead. “Sauli, of course I came to see you and to help you.” She took his face in her hands. “I’m so sorry Sauli, so sorry.” She pulled him back into a hug. “Please tell me what happened?”

Sauli sniffed some more. “I was dreaming, at least I thought I was dreaming. But he was really here, here in my room. I could see him standing beside my bed. He was staring down at me. He was so beautiful, so beautiful. I tried to wake up to be able to really see him, but I couldn’t.”

 Sauli had a dreamy expression on his face. “His eyes are so blue, so grey, I can’t even say. But he seemed scared and confused. It was as if he didn’t want to be here.” Sauli sighed deeply again. “And then he touched my face…”

Sara pulled away to look at him. “He touched you?”

Sauli felt new tears filling his eyes. He nodded.

“You know what that means don’t you?”

Sauli sighed. He knew all too well. Adam didn’t accept the mate calling. If he didn’t claim him within one year, Sauli would die.

“He is still not that far away, is he? Maybe you should find him and talk to him?”

Sara stroked Sauli’s back. Sauli shook his head. “No, it’s too late for that. I feel it.”

Sara looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

He sighed and looked away from her towards the balcony. “He is leaving Helsinki right now. The connection is getting weaker. I’m losing him, Sara.”

A tear fell down his face again. “I’m losing my mate.”

~ ♥ ~

Adam was breathing much easier now that he was getting away from Helsinki, away from his mate. He could still feel him deep inside, but the pull was somehow weaker. He was in a private jet on his way to London; on his way back home. He didn’t even ask how Tommy managed to make this possible.

His animal was still howling sad and hurt inside of him. It seemed like it was moping and didn’t react to him. This was new. They didn’t get along sometimes, but mostly they were okay. But now the animal was quietly suffering.

Adam was hurting too.

He needed to find a way to break the pull, to get away from the mate calling. It was hurting him too much. It was like all the feelings he didn’t have since he was turned kept rushing into him. His mind was turning round and round and it hurt. He needed to find a way to stop it.

Adam closed his eyes and tried to find some sleep when he heard a weak voice speaking to him:

_“Come back, please come back to me!”_

His eyes flew open and he looked out of the window while the animal started to howl again. Soon, soon he would be far enough away to break the connection.

At least he hoped so.

~ ♥ ~

One week later Adam found himself in Tommy’s car on their way to Luther.

“Calm down, Adam. He’s cool.”

Adam smiled weakly at Tommy. “Thank you for doing this.”

Tommy squeezed Adams knee quickly. “Do you still feel him?”

Adam shrugged. “Not really. Not in the way I did in Finland. He is only an echo, a memory in my mind.”

Tommy looked up in confusion. “You sound sad about that.”

Adam sighed. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. My animal is missing him and is pissed at me. It’s hard to be in a good mood when you are called an “asshole” in your own mind, you know?”

Tommy chuckled.

Adam looked out of the window for the rest of the ride. He could feel the animal’s anger inside of him. It was pushing on him ever since they left Finland. It was worse than he let Tommy know. He was suffering.

It was like everything around him had feelings now. He had been numb to most feelings since he met his maker. Everything inside of him was dark, all light was gone. And he accepted it as a part of what he became. He thought that the darkness was a part of the animal inside him. But since he touched his mate he was feeling something waiting for him; something so different from what he felt during all those years as a vampire that is scared him.

He’d lied to Tommy about not feeling his mate. The connection became weaker when they got away from Helsinki. But the feelings got stronger, more desperate. And he couldn’t say if he was feeling his own desperation or if he was just mirroring the feelings of his mate.

He was so confused and lost, he felt like crying most of the time. It didn’t help at all that the animal was not really speaking to him anymore. He felt so disconnected and so much lonelier than usual. The animal had been his only companion for such a long time but he was really alone.

Adam was scared to meet Luther. He never had contact to other vampires beside his maker. He didn’t know what to expect. But he also was curious to get some answers.

Luther’s house was in the countryside. It was an old villa with a huge garden. Tommy stopped in front of the house. When they got out a woman ran over to Tommy with her arms wide open.

“Tommy! It’s so good to see you!”

Tommy grinned. “Hi grandma!”

Adam looked at the woman in confusion. She couldn’t be older than thirty-five. Tommy looked at him.

“I’ll tell you later. But meet my lovely grandmother, Isabella.”

Adam walked over to her and shook her hand. They walked towards the house when a tall man came out. He had broad shoulders and his whole being would have been really intimidating if his eyes didn’t shine so friendly.

“Tommy! It has been too long!”

They hugged for a while and when they pulled apart Tommy motioned for Adam to get closer.

“Adam this is Luther. He is my step-grandfather.”

Adam just gaped while Luther put his hand on Adam’s shoulder.

“Welcome, Adam. Tommy told me a lot about you, but I have the feeling, there is a lot more I need to know.”

His brown eyes were looking deep into Adam. The animal perked up interested and Adam could feel it smiling at the vampire in front of him.

“Let us get in!”

Luther got his arms around Adam and Tommy on each of his sides and walked them towards the house. Adam was confused about the fact that the animal actually tried to get closer to Luther with every step they were walking.

_How is this even possible?_

Once inside they were sitting at a table. Tommy and his grandmother were drinking coffee and chatting quietly among themselves.

“So, Adam, tell me something about your maker?”

Adam swallowed hard at the bitter memory.

“His name was Gilbert Mayer. He turned me after I was attacked and almost killed. Later I found out that he planned the attack to get me.” He stopped.

Luther looked at him. “Please go on.”

Adam told him all that Gilbert told him about being a vampire, especially about being a gay vampire and about the last years he was living on his own after he left Gilbert. He also told him about that night in Helsinki.

Luther was listening and watching Adam very closely. Adam thought he should be scared, but he wasn’t. The animal was curled inside of him and was purring while he was telling Luther his vampire life story. When Adam finished Luther leaned forward and took Adam’s hand.

“I’m sorry you had to go through such bad experiences. I will have to report Gilbert for this. He didn’t make it right and I guess he did it on purpose. You are unfinished.”

Adam looked up at Tommy, then back to Luther. “What?”

Luther squeezed his hand at his question. “You shouldn’t feel disconnected with the vampire inside of you. I can feel that you and he are two different beings. This is not how it should be. You should be one being; only then are you finished. It is the duty of a maker to ensure that you are connected with the vampire inside of you. Gilbert didn’t carry out his duty.”

Adam’s eyes got wide. “But why? What does this even mean? Am I a freak or something?”

Luther pulled him into a hug then and whispered in his ear. “You are not a freak, Adam. But you need someone to finish your turning process. As long as it's not finished, you won’t find happiness or peace for that matter.”

He pulled back and looked into Adam’s eyes. He saw so much fear in them but even more loneliness and heartbreak. It was hard to believe that Adam was still alive being unfinished like he had been for so long.

“You have a strong soul. It’s a miracle you survived this long. But it has to stop. I need to call the council to find out what we can do to help you.”

“The council?“ Now Adam’s confusion was complete.

Luther patted his back. “I see that I will have to tell you about a lot of things. I just need to call some people first. I would like you to stay here for one or two days. We will need time. Will you stay?”

Adam just nodded.

“Tommy, would you please take Adam to one of the guestrooms? I need some time and then we can continue our talk later.”

Luther left the room and Tommy pulled a bewildered Adam towards the hall. When they arrived in one of the guest rooms, Adam just flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Tears were forming in his eyes.

“Why did he do this to me? He promised me happiness and all I got was hurt and heartbreak.”

Tommy sat down on the bed beside Adam and squeezed his knee in comfort.

“I don’t know why he did that, Adam. I guess Luther will be able to tell you more soon.”

Adam got up on his elbows and wiped the tears away. “I hope so.”

He looked at Tommy. “Tell me about your grandmother? How come you didn’t tell me that she’s a vampire?”

Tommy smiled at that. “I didn’t tell you, because she is not a vampire.”

Adam was surprised about that. “But she looks so young.”

Tommy giggled a bit. “Dude, this is kind of weird that I have to tell you things about vampires; you should already know this stuff.”

Adam sighed and nodded.

“My grandmother was married to my grandfather before she married Luther. She was a young widow and was alone, living with my dad. When she met Luther they felt a pull towards each other and couldn’t stay away. You know, just like you felt the pull in Finland.”

Adam nodded.

“They bonded and she is his mate. She stayed human though. But through the bond she will stay young and will stay alive as long as Luther stays alive. That’s it.”

Adam let himself fall back on the bed. “I didn’t even know that a bond is possible between a vampire and a human. I always thought the mating thing was exclusive between two vampires.”

Tommy laid down beside Adam on his stomach. “The mating between vampires and humans isn’t that rare. But I guess you didn’t know about that. Is your mate a human or a vampire?”

Adam closed his eyes at the question. “I feel he’s a vampire.”

Tommy’s head shot up. “You feel him still?”

Adam blushed little. ”Sorry, I didn’t want to worry you. I can still feel him, yes. Not as strong as it was in Finland, but he is… inside me somehow.”

Tommy laid back down. “I already assumed that you didn’t tell me everything.”

Adam sighed and opened his eyes to look at Tommy. “Sorry, I’m just not used to someone being worried about me. I was alone for so long. It’s hard to let someone in again.”

Tommy nodded. “I can’t even imagine how you must feel now. I mean I’m a loner sometimes, but I’m never lonely.”

Adam looked back at the ceiling again. “Sometimes I just hoped someone would stake me. I felt so lost. Gilbert took everything I had away and made me believe that this was what a vampire’s life should be. Now I see that he lied to me about everything and it hurts. Even after I left him, I felt connected to him because of the fact that he turned me. But he treated me so badly, I don’t understand that.”

Tears were running down Adam's cheeks. Tommy pulled him closer and held him in his arms for a while.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli was staring out of his window. It was raining outside and he was watching the drops rolling down the glass panel. He woke up in the middle of the night with sadness inside of his heart, which almost choked him. He tried to calm down until he was awake enough to realize that it wasn’t his own pain he was feeling.

It was Adam’s.

He didn’t understand what was happening with Adam. But the pain he could feel was huge. He wished he could help him. He wanted to be there for him.

A light knocking startled him out of his thoughts and Sara walked in.

She smiled at him. “How are you doing?”

Sauli sighed and looked back at the rain drops. He could feel her coming closer. Then she was right beside him, visible like a shadow in the glass in front of him.

“Sauli, you need to do something.”

He knew that. He just didn’t want to have to do something. He didn’t want to report the mate calling that was not answered.

Sara forced him to look at her with a hand under his chin. “Sauli, the council needs to know that your mate calling failed. You know that.”

Sauli pulled away from her. He was annoyed and it was clear he didn’t want to talk about it.

“Sara, it’s not your decision to make.”

She became angry and hissed at him. “You can’t expect me to watch you being in misery and do nothing. This is not right and you know it!”

Of course he knew it, he knew it damn well. “Sara, I won’t report him, at least not yet. He is my mate. And even if he didn’t respond to the call, there is a connection between us. I can feel he is in pain.” He looked at her, tears welling up in his eyes. “He is hurting and I can’t do anything to help him. Can you even imagine what that’s like? It’s killing me!”

Sara sighed and pulled Sauli into her arms. He laid his head on her shoulder.

“Sara, I still have time. If I report him now, the council will hunt him down and force him to accept the calling. They wouldn’t allow him to refuse the mating call of a fucking vampire prince. He would be even more scared and confused. I don’t want that for him.”

Sara pulled away and wiped the remaining tears out of Sauli’s face. “I understand you, I really do.” She sighed and looked up at the ceiling to catch her breath. Then she looked back at him. “But I won’t let you die, Sauli. I will report him myself, if I have to.”

Sauli took her hand, a pleading tone in his voice. “Just give me some more time. Please?”

 Sara rolled her eyes at his pout. “Okay, I will wait, but not too long, not until it’s too late.”

Sauli smiled. “Thank you.”

They hugged again and stayed like that for a while, until Sauli could feel Adam calling out for him.

~ ♥ ~

Luther smiled when he entered the room where Adam and Tommy where lying on the bed. Tommy was holding Adam in his arms and they were talking quietly. Luther sat down on the bed and Adam looked up at him.

“Are you ready for some facts about vampires?”

Adam nodded. Tommy took his hand. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

Adam shook his head. “No, stay.”

He looked up at Luther with curious eyes. “Is it okay for Tommy to stay?”

Luther smiled. “Of course.”

Adam leaned back against the headboard and Tommy moved with him. He was holding his hand.

“Is there anything you want to know first?”

Adam sighed. “I have the feeling that everything I learned about vampires is wrong. I have no idea where to start.”

He seemed nervous.

Luther smiled. “I think I know what to tell you first.”

Luther looked at Tommy and then back at Adam. “When was the last time you talked with your mother?”

Adam’s eyes immediately filled with tears. He chocked the answer out. “It was before I was turned.”

Tommy’s hold on his hand grew stronger. He looked up at Tommy and saw him smiling. A small hope was growing in his chest when he looked at Luther who just nodded.

“I can…see my mother?”

Luther’s smile was bright now. “Of course you can.”

Adam held his hand over his mouth and started to cry. Tommy pulled him into a hug again and Luther patted his arm.

“There is no reason to keep your new being away from your family. Of course they would have to keep the secret safe, but that works pretty well, mostly. And if not, we have our ways to make it work.”

Adam calmed down and wiped the last tears away. “I can’t believe it. He said I wasn’t allowed to share the secret. And now…” Adam’s voice broke. He took a deep breath. “My dad died last year. I was watching my family and I saw how broken they were after I disappeared. My mother is an old woman now. She has Alzheimer’s disease. I wonder if she even remembers having a son. But I want to see her.” He shook his head. “I just can’t believe how much he took away from me.”

Luther sighed. “I’m sorry for your loss. I wish we'd met earlier.”

Adam nodded. “Me, too.” He took another deep breath. “Please tell me more.”

And Luther did. Over the next two hours he filled Adam in on a lot of facts about vampires that he needed to know. He knew now that being gay wasn’t generally a problem. Vampires were as tolerant or intolerant as normal people were. There was no need to hide. Luther told him also about some practical things he didn’t know. It was like his world was changing in those few hours; as if he could hope to have a happy life again. 

“I talked with two members of the council earlier. They will be here tomorrow and we will talk about what we can do for you.”

Adam looked hopeful at that. “I guess my animal is upset and angry with me. We didn’t have a real talk since I came back from Helsinki.” Adam could feel a light groan inside him.

“You call your vampire soul _the animal_?” Luther actually chuckled at that.

Adam smiled. “Yeah it reminds me of something wild, but also caring at times. I don’t know, maybe like a big cat or a lion?”

Luther nodded. “Yeah, a lion it is.”

He looked with concern at Adam’s face. “You need to know a lot more about the mating. I want to tell you some more, then we'll take a break until tomorrow.”

Adam sighed. “I know, it’s a lot to take in such a short time, but there is no getting around it. The council will talk with you about it too and I just want you to be prepared. I want you to see it in a better light than you do now.”

Adam nodded, clearly not happy about the upcoming meeting. He was tired and hoped Luther wouldn’t take long. He wanted to close his eyes and sleep.

“The mating-call is nothing bad, Adam. It’s Mother Nature’s way to show us the one right person. She points them out for us and makes sure we find them.”

Adam was annoyed. “Luther, I just don’t want someone or something to rule my life. I let Gilbert take away so much from me, I can’t give up control over my life again. I just can’t.”

Luther sighed and moved closer to Adam. He took his hand and looked into Adam’s eyes. “I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. But you need to understand, that this is nothing bad. In fact it’s really good. You will be loved again and you will love.”

Adam snorted at that. “How can I love someone who is forced on me? Shouldn’t love be chosen freely?”

Luther’s smile was sad. “The mating-call is nothing logical. It’s hard to explain how it works. It makes us strong and weak at the same time. It goes so much deeper than any connection you could have in your life. It’s pure.”

Adam shook his head. “I don’t see it that way. It just scares me.”

Luther let go of Adam’s hand and padded his arm. “Maybe you should try to talk to your mate? Find out what he is like?”

Adam shook his head. “I can’t do that. I have a tour ahead and he is in Finland. I don’t even have his name or anything else for that matter.”

Luther chuckled at that. “But you _can_ contact him anytime you want.”

Adam looked up in surprise. “How?”

Luther smiled. “Telepathy.”

Adam looked at him with wide eyes. “Show me!”

An hour later Adam was laying alone in bed. He was exhausted. All the things Luther told him seemed almost too good to be true. He was not sure he wanted to try to contact his mate. He was afraid that his animal would fall for the man even more. But he was curious too. He wanted to know if that telepathy thing actually worked the way Luther had explained it to him. It just seemed too easy.

He decided to try it the next day and closed his eyes, trying to force himself to fall asleep. But after he was still awake half an hour later he changed his mind. He would try it now. The animal perked up at this and for the first time since Helsinki there was a slight understanding between them, a fragile connection. Adam sighed and tried to concentrate on his mate. It was easy to remember the man. His face was in front of his inner eye the second he closed his eyes.

_He is beautiful, so perfect._

He focused on the face and in his mind he let his fingertips dance over the cheeks. He knew immediately when the man – his mate – could feel him. It was like someone was inside of him, inside his mind and his heart. It was different from feeling the animal. It was more… pure.

_“Adam?”_

A whisper was running through his body. He was so frightened, he almost dropped the connection. He had to take several deep breaths before he could answer. “Yes, it’s me.”

There was a smile in his mind and a warm voice continued, “ _I’m so glad you decided to let me in. I’ve been trying a few times since you left me. But I didn’t want to pressure you.”_

There was sadness in the voice that was pulling on his heart.

“I couldn’t stay. I didn’t understand. I was… I am scared. So scared.” Adam could feel tears forming in his eyes.

_“I’m sorry. I wish I could hug you now. I miss you so much.”_

Adam chuckled. “But how can you miss me? You don’t know me.”

The smile his mate gave him was burning inside of him. “ _I know enough about you. You are the one for me, a missing puzzle piece_.”

Adam snorted. “I don’t know if I really believe in that.” He could feel sadness coming from his mate.

“It is all so new for me. I just have no idea how to handle it.” Tears of frustration and fear were burning in his eyes again. It was too much. “I don’t think it was a good idea to contact you.” He could feel desperation on the other side.

“ _No, don’t say that! Please I need you, please.”_

Adam sighed, the animal inside of him was groaning in warning. “I can’t do this. I am not what you want me to be. I don’t want that.” Adam was about to turn away.

“ _Don’t just leave, Adam, please!_ ”

The plea in his mate’s voice was touching and pulling at something deep inside of him. It was like his soul was forcing him to keep the connection open.

“What do you need me to do, _mate_?” Adam forced the words out, even if all he wanted to do was to just quit the conversation and hide under his covers.

“ _It’s Sauli, actually._ ”

A small smile made Adam’s stomach flutter. “What is a Sowli?”

The giggle his mate let out made him weak inside. “ _It’s Sauli and it’s my name. I thought you might want to know?_ ”

Adam closed his eyes. “Sauli.” The name rolled around in his mouth and was sinking deep into his mind, deep into his soul, just where it belonged. It felt right.

“ _Yes, this is how you pronounce it._ ”

Adam could hear happiness in Sauli’s voice. He liked that, he wanted to make him happy. It was like the need to breathe. It felt natural to feel like that. But it also scared him. He felt so out of control about Sauli. Like everything was happening without him being asked if he wanted it to happen. But before the fear could paralyze him, he could feel the animal inside him purr. His mate’s name was ringing inside of him like a melody of a long lost song, beautiful and strong. Endless.

“What are you doing to me, Sauli?” Adam whispered.

“ _This is the bond. I feel it too. I was waiting for you to come to me for so long, Adam._ ” Sauli whispered back.

“But how did you know me? How did you know my name? Why aren’t you scared?” Adam’s whispers were quieting down.

“ _I dreamed about you. I never knew how you looked, but I dreamed your soul, how you would make me feel. I dreamed how much I would love you, how much you’d love me. I dreamed your name inside my heart_.”

A tear rolled down Adam’s cheek. “I wish I could feel the same. I wish I could give you what you dreamed about.”

Adam could feel tears running down Sauli’s face. It hurt him in a way he didn’t understand.

“ _Just promise me, to give us some time and to talk to me. I just want a chance, Adam._ ”

Adam could do that, Sauli deserved it. “I will try.” Adam closed his eyes against the sting of tears burning in them.

“ _Thank you._ ”

Why did it hurt so much to hear the sadness in Sauli’s voice? Why was it that hard? When he opened his eyes, he let the tears slip out to run down his face.

“I’m sorry, Sauli.”

Then he turned away and cut the connection.

\---

Sauli fell on his knees, tears running down his face. Sara hugged him tight.

“Sauli, I won’t let him do this to you. I will report him!”

Sauli wiped the tears away and shook his head. “No, Sara, no!”

She took his hands in hers and stroked them. “Sauli, you are hurting, this was not meant to be. I don’t want to watch you suffer.”

Sauli pulled his hands out of her hold and took her face into his palms. “Sara, you need to listen to me. I know it’s hard for you to see me like this. But I need to give him a chance. I need him. And I have hope in him. He decided to try to contact me. Don’t forget: he is feeling the bond too. He just doesn’t understand it.”

Sara huffed. “What does that mean? He is a vampire; he must know how this works.”

She was angry and Sauli needed her to calm down. He was afraid she would call the council and then things would get worse.

“Sara, trust me. I know him and I need to give him time. There is something wrong with him; I just don’t know what it is and what I can do to make him understand. But something inside of him is seeing me and wants me. He is just scared.”

Sara rolled her eyes. “Sauli, there is nothing he should be scared of. You are mates; he is supposed to feel the truth of that.”

Sauli looked her in the eyes. “Sara, I know all that. But he is different. I don’t know why he doesn’t feel good about our bond. But I won’t give up on him, not yet.”

Sara sighed and nodded. “Okay, I will wait. I give you six weeks. When things don’t change, I’ll report him.”

Sauli smiled in relief. “Give me eight and I will report him myself when things don’t work out the way I hope they will.”

She nodded. “When will you tell our parents?”

Sauli groaned. “I don’t know yet.”

“What about now?” Their mother’s voice echoed through the room towards Sauli. He closed his eyes in frustration. He sighed and turned around to look at his mother. She was walking towards him, worry clouded her eyes.

“What is going on, Sauli?”

Sauli shrugged. “Nothing, mother.”

She raised her hand. “Don’t give me that! I know you and I see something is not right.”

Sauli turned back to Sara in search of help, but she just shook her head. Sauli sighed again before he looked at his mother.

“I don’t really want to talk about it. Can we just leave it for now and I promise to tell you everything soon?” The look on his mother’s face told him that this was not going to happen.

“You should sit down then, mother.” Her look was a mix of confusion and worry and it was cutting him deeply to see her like that. They sat down on the couch, Sara on the other side of their mother. Sauli took her hand in his.

“Sauli, what is it? You are scaring me.”

Sauli took a deep breath before he looked into her eyes. “My mate found me.”

His mother’s eyes went wide in confusion. “But this is great Sauli!”

Sauli sighed. “It is, but at the same time it isn’t.”

She looked between Sauli and Sara, worry clear in her face. “What’s wrong, Sauli?”

 Sauli couldn’t speak, he just shook his head.

“Sara?”

Their mother’s voice was now angry and demanding. It was no more their mother speaking; it was Queen Virpi, one of the most powerful vampires in Finland.

Sara lowered her eyes. “His mate didn’t accept the mating call.”

Sauli jumped up. “Sara! This is not your business!”

Sara kept her look lowered and just sighed. Queen Virpi looked at Sauli while she got up. Her gaze kept him under a spell and he shivered.

“Sauli, what does that mean?”

He was not able to look away and he knew when he opened his mouth he wouldn’t be able to lie to her. He cursed inside. She kept her eyes on him.

“He ran away that night but I want to wait for him.”

She moved closer and something cold flickered behind her eyes. “You want to wait? Sauli, you are a prince! And what do you mean, he ran away?”

Sauli pulled away from her spell. “He was in my bedroom last week. But he didn’t stay. He was scared. Mother, I won’t give up on him!”

He didn’t dare look at her. But she forced him to look into her face when she took his chin in her hands. “You will report this immediately, Sauli. I won’t tolerate behavior like that!”

Sauli winced at her tone. He felt hurt that she didn’t respond as his mother but only as the queen. His eyes started to tear. “Mom, please…”

Her mask broke down and she pulled him into her arms. “My poor baby! I wish I could help you with that. But you can’t forget that you are a prince. You know what will happen if your mate stays away from you, don’t you? I can’t wait for that to happen and I won’t.” Her voice was soft.

He pulled away and looked at her. “Mom, I need some time. Reporting him will only make things more difficult. It will push him further away from me. I know he’ll come around. I am sure of it!”

His mother looked at him for a few minutes. “Okay, I will wait. Your father is on a journey until the end of summer. We will wait until he comes back, but not a second longer. I don’t want to risk your life.”

Sauli nodded with relief. That should be enough time to get Adam to come back to him.

~ ♥ ~

Adam woke up to the smell of coffee and a smiling Tommy sitting on his bed.

“Morning!”

Adam groaned. He was tired. He sat up and for the first time in ages he was craving coffee. The smell was delicious and it was touching all his senses.

Tommy chuckled. “Will you drink some or just sniff it?”

Adam looked up at Tommy, curiosity written all over his face.

“You know that you can drink coffee too, don’t you?”

Adam’s huffed. “This is yet again new information for me.”

Tommy sighed. “Oh man, I’m glad I brought you here.” He handed the mug over to Adam and smiled when Adam closed his eyes before he took a sip.

“Hmmmm… this is so wonderful, so good!”

Tommy ruffled through Adam’s hair. “Are you ready to visit your mom?”

Adam looked up. “Now?”

Tommy nodded. “If you want, we can go now and be back for lunch, when the council members are scheduled to arrive.”

Adam drank some more coffee and got up to get ready.

_I will see my mother today…_

Adam was nervous when they stepped into the residence where his mom was living now. The receptionist looked at him in wonder. He told her he was a relative of Leila Lambert. She obviously knew him. He walked outside and saw his mother sitting in a chair beside the pool. He had to blink away some tears. He hadn’t seen her in years. She was still beautiful, despite the gray hair.

He walked over to her. Until that moment he didn’t really know what to say to her. But then she turned to him and smiled.

“Adam, there you are! How was school, dear?”

She remembered him! He didn’t care that she thought he was a school boy. He hugged her and told her about his school day. They were talking and laughing for a while. Adam was happy. After a while he looked up towards the house and saw Tommy smiling at him. He mouthed “ _Thank you_ ” and turned back to his mother.

They drove back to Luther’s a few hours later. Adam was relaxed, until he remembered that he would meet the members of the council today. He got nervous. What would they expect from him?

When they arrived at Luther’s, they saw a big black limousine in the driveway. They stepped out of the car and walked into the villa.

There were voices and lauging coming from the living room. Adam relaxed at that. If they were laughing, maybe things wouldn’t be that bad? He stepped into the living room and saw two people he didn’t know yet. The man was tall and dark skinned with a beautiful face structures. He looked exotic. Beside him was a small woman with dark, long hair and a beautiful face. They looked over at Adam and both got up to greet him.

The man was the first to speak: “Hello, Adam. I’m Sutan, this is Alisan. We are here to speak for the council. Welcome, brother.”

Sutan hugged Adam tightly and when he pulled away, Alisan did the same. Adam could feel tears prickling in his eyes. Sutan motioned for them to sit down. He kept his eyes on Adam.

“Luther told us some facts about you. We are really sorry about what happened to you. I wished we could have helped you earlier. It won’t be easy to repair what was done wrong with you. It doesn’t happen often that a maker acts like Gilbert has done with you. In fact, I haven’t seen a vampire like you in my whole life, neither has Alisan. We had to do some research before we came here.”

Sutan cleared his throat and turned towards Alisan. “Adam, it won’t be easy, to make you whole. It seems like there is just one option to fix you.” She took a deep breath and looked quickly over to Sutan. When he nodded, she let the breath out and continued. “It seems that only your true mate will be able to fix you.” She sighed. “I can’t tell you, how much time you have to find your mate. We don’t even know if it might be too late for that already. There is no such case as yours in the history of vampires in the States. You are special, Adam.”

He snorted at that. He didn’t feel special at all.

“Does that mean that my only chance to be a fulfilled vampire is the mating?”

When Alisan and Sutan nodded in answer, he closed his eyes and cursed silently.

_Great, now it seems like there is one more reason for me to mate with Sauli._

He felt sick. All the control he finally hoped to have over his life and over the decisions he was making, began to slip away completely.

“Are you sure about that?” He just had to ask.

Sutan sighed. “Adam, this is all we know and all we can try to do to save you. As I already mentioned, there are not many cases of unfulfilled vampires in our society. It’s a crime to create a vampire unable to exist. Usually, the vampires who are not complete die a short time after they are turned. It’s a miracle you are still alive.”

Adam leaned his head against the back of the couch. “What if I tell you, that I already found my mate?”

Sutan looked up at him, a smile grazing his features. “You did? This is great, Adam!”

Adam huffed. “If you say so. I don’t see anything great about that. I didn’t want this mating and now it seems like I have to mate Sauli because he is the only one who could save me? This is just one more thing that’s forced on me.” He could barely hold his anger in.

Sutan’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow, you are very negative about the mating-call. Why is this so? And where is Sowli?”

Adam sighed in defeat. “His name is Sauli. He is in Finland.”

Sutan’s eyes grew big. “Finland?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, I found him while I was there on my promo tour. You might know that I’m a pop singer?” Sutan nodded again. “I was there, found him and then I left.”

Sutan looked carefully at him. “So it seems that the mating didn’t work out as we thought it would. I mean you are not whole. We have to search for another alternative to heal the damage that was done to you then.”

 Adam shook his head. “There was no mating. I just told you that I left.”

Sutan got up and started to pace. “You left your mate, after you found him?”

Adam nodded. Sutan got closer and grabbed Adam’s shoulders to pull him up. He looked into his eyes, searching for something in them.

“This is not good, Adam. In fact this is a huge problem.” He let go of him and was now pacing. Alisan was fiddling with her cell phone. Both seemed very nervous and angry.

“What is the matter?” Adam was confused.

“Adam, you can’t just refuse a mating call. If you do, there are consequences you have to face. This could become a big problem for us.” Sutan scratched his neck. “Look, Sauli could report you to his council. They would contact us and we would have to do something about it.”

Adam swallowed and asked quietly. “What would you have to do?”

Sutan sighed. “We would have to intervene, maybe even to force you to accept the mating call.”

“What?” Adam let his face drop into his hands. “Does that mean, no matter what I want, I have to be accept him?”

Sutan shrugged. “I don’t know of a way to break the spell. I will talk to Lord McKenzie. He is our Eldest. He might know something. But it looks like there is no way out.”

Adam sighed into his hands. “I hate that!”

Sutan patted his back. “Adam, finding your mate is nothing bad at all.”

Adam looked up at him. “Did you find your mate?”

Sutan shook his head. “No, I’m still looking for mine.”

Adam snorted and got up. “Then you can’t understand how I feel.” He walked towards the door and turned around. “Sorry, but I need some time on my own. Thank you for telling me though.”

He walked out of the house towards the forest. The evening twilight was usually calming to him, but not tonight. He felt betrayed. He’d lost all control of his life again. Where was the happiness? Where was the good life he was supposed to have as a vampire?

Gilbert should have let him die that night! Angry tears were pushing into his eyes. He wiped them angrily away and looked around. In front of him was a pond. He sat down by the water and leaned back against a tree. Out of nowhere the need to talk to Sauli was overwhelming him and before he gave it another thought, he was already reaching out for his mate.

Sauli answered immediately. “ _Adam_!”

Despite all his intentions Sauli’s voice calmed him and made him … happy.

“Hi, Sauli.”

For a few moments there was only silence and quiet breathing. Adam closed his eyes and let himself enjoy how close he felt to Sauli. Just for a second he wanted to pretend it was a good thing that he had Sauli in his life. He shook the thought out of his head.

“ _Did something happen?_ ” Sauli’s voice sounded worried.

Adam smiled. “No, I just…” _needed to hear your voice._ “I don’t really know why I contacted you now. It was just… it felt right.”

He could feel the smile Sauli must have on his face, it was brightening his mind.

_Maybe this is not that bad at all…_

“It’s been a bad day.”

Sauli hummed. “ _Tell me about it._ ”

Adam rubbed his eyes. “I have some things to sort out, but every new detail I find out makes it just worse, instead of better. I keep running into walls and no matter where I turn there is just another wall. It’s like I have no options to stop the changes in my life.”

 _“What kind of changes?”_ Sauli sounded really interested and worried.

“I can’t tell you, Sauli. It’s complicated.”

_“Try me!”_

Adam sighed. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

Sauli’s voice sounded disappointed. “ _I get it, but I wish you’d let me help you, somehow._ ”

That brought new tears to Adam’s eyes.

_I wish that too._

“Sorry, Sauli, I have to go.”

Sauli’s voice sounded sad as they said goodbye and Adam turned away.

As soon as Sauli was gone, the calming feeling left Adam too.

 


	2. June - November 2010

**June-November 2010**

Adam refused to meet other vampires. He needed time to think about everything and maybe figure out how to act. He didn’t contact Sauli before the tour started. The council gave him permission to leave LA but only after he agreed to take a vampire with him. They chose Sutan for the job.

Adam was not happy about that. It just meant that the council wanted to keep him under their radar to make sure that he didn’t do anything stupid. The fact that Adam liked Sutan didn’t make it any easier.

He enjoyed his time on stage. The connection with his fans was giving him energy and let him forget about his worries. There he felt like everything was possible, like he could change his life.

He ignored Sauli’s calls for him. The animal was now really mad at him. They didn’t speak at all. Late nights were filled with angry groaning and sad whining. He felt the loneliness and longing. The animal wanted to be close to Sauli. Adam knew that he was acting stupid, because the separation from his mate was slowly driving him insane. But he didn’t want to give up the last bit of control he pretended to still have over his life. The council could fuck off! He was a Rock Star on tour and he _would_ have some fun!

Tonight he would go out and finally find someone. He needed to get laid! Maybe some human touch would give him peace and help him sleep.

“I need to get laid.” The words slipped out of his mouth during the rehearsal in Costa Mensa.

Tommy smirked at that. Adam shrugged. It was true; it was really time for some sex.

After the concert he was running on adrenaline. It was a great show and the energy was amazing. He also spotted some cute boys in the crowd and wanted to get at least one of them into his bed.

After a quick shower he was ready to hit a gay bar. It didn’t take long to find some boys willing to do whatever he wanted them to do. He was dancing and grinding against bodies. The animal was scratching his insides and howling angry. He didn’t care.

He spotted a cute, elfish looking guy on the dance floor near him and made a beeline for him. For a second something like a memory flickered through his mind. He was right beside the boy and laid his arms around the tiny waist. The boy leaned closer and looked up.

There was something wrong about him. Adam couldn’t pin point what it was. He ignored the warning the animal was groaning inside him and leaned down to kiss the boy. As soon as their lips touched, pain shot through Adam’s body.

He stumbled away from the boy, who was looking at him in confusion. The animal was now completely losing its mind. It was shouting at Adam and howling for Sauli. Adam put his hands over his ears as if that could mute the noise inside his head. He broke down on the dance floor, hot tears of pain pushing out of his eyes. Everything in him was in pain. It was running through his veins and exploding behind his eyelids. He couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly strong arms were pulling him up and away from the dance floor, out of the club.

 “Adam, Adam!”

Sutan’s voice was cutting through the haze inside his head. Slowly he could feel the pain getting weaker and more bearable. Finally the animal curled into a ball inside of him and was just whimpering in agony. Adam could finally catch his breath and started to calm down. He sat down and rested against the wall. Sutan was kneeling in front of him. Adam tried to avoid his eyes.

Finally Sutan took Adam’s face in his hands and forced him to look up. “You are a stupid, stupid vampire, my dear.” Then Sutan pulled him into a hug and held him until he was calm enough to walk back to the bus.

“Sutan, what happened?” Adam asked after a while.

Sutan snorted. “Adam, do you really have no idea about the power of the bond between you and your mate?”

Adam shook his head. “Sutan, I don’t get what you mean. I never finalized the mating. We didn’t even kiss.”

Sutan put his hand over Adam’s arm and forced him to stop. “You didn’t have any physical contact with Sowli?”

Adam looked at him annoyed. “It’s Sauli and no, not really.”

Sutan bit the smile about the correction of Sauli’s name away and asked. “What does ‘not really’ mean?”

Adam sighed. “I touched him briefly.”

Sutan closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “Damn, Adam! This is a fact I needed to know. This changes a lot of things.”

Adam tried to get out of his hold. “It doesn’t change anything.”

Sutan held him tighter, an angry expression on his face. “Adam, I know you don’t want to deal with the whole mating thing. But you need to understand, that a touch between mates can be enough to light a fire inside them. It makes it impossible to touch anyone else intimately without great pain.”

Adam finally succeeded in getting free of Sutan’s grasp and stepped away from him. “Great, so now my mate is cock-blocking me too?” Adam was really mad now and so was Sutan. When Adam tried to walk past Sutan, he reached out and pulled on Adam’s arm to get him to listen.

“You stupid vampire! If you felt the pain that means that Sowli is a born vampire!”

Adam got curious and stopped pulling away. “Damn, it’s Sauli! And what is a born vampire?”

Sutan shook his head in disbelief. Adam didn’t know anything! He pulled him towards the busses. “I think we should get inside before we discuss any more of that.”

Adam nodded in defeat. As soon as they stepped into the bus, Sutan pushed Adam towards Adam’s room and closed the door behind them. Adam sat down on his bed, Sutan sat down on the floor, his back against the door.

“Not all vampires were once human. Some of them were born vampires. They are royals. Their blood belongs to an old line of vampires, going back as far as Dracula.”

Sutan paused and scratched over his neck. “Most born vampires live in Europe. They are children of the royal vampires who bonded with humans or with half-breeds.” Sutan paused again, to let his words sink into Adam’s mind.

 “Half-breeds?”

Sutan nodded. “That’s what we call children born out of the bond between a vampire and a human woman. Female vampires can’t get pregnant. But the bonded human women can get pregnant from a vampire. Their children are both: human and vampire. Female half-breeds can get pregnant too. Vampires born out of that union are very powerful.”

Sutan stopped, got up and got himself some blood out of Adam’s freezer. He sat down again and was drinking while Adam kept replaying what he just heard in his head.

“Okay, I understand. But how is this important to me?”

Sutan gulped the last drops down. “Adam, if you won’t complete the mating with him, Sauli will die.”

Adam’s eyes grew wide. “What?”

Sutan sighed and nodded. “From the moment you touched him, you only have one years’ time to finalize the mating otherwise your mate will die.”

Adam was shocked. Nobody told him that. Damn Gilbert, this was all his fault that he was stumbling through life this ignorant. He didn’t tell him anything important especially that someone could die because of him.

_And why didn’t Sauli tell me that?_

He felt awful. He needed to contact him.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli sighed when he entered the house. He was tired, exhausted actually. His days were filled with work, meetings and interviews. He kept himself busy in hopes of not thinking every fucking second about Adam. The last contact they’d had was about two months ago. First he’d thought Adam simply freaked out but would get over it and contact him again. But after two weeks went by and every time he tried to contact Adam and failed, Sauli started to worry. He had no choice but to wait and hope.

The days went by okay, but the nights were killing him. He was longing to hear Adam’s voice. It was a physical pain. More often than not Sauli cried himself to sleep. He knew that his father would return by the end of August. That meant he only had about four weeks to change Adam’s mind. But how could he do that when Adam refused to make contact?

The house was quiet, his family obviously not there. He walked upstairs to his rooms. After a quick shower he was lying on his bed under the covers and tried to stop the thoughts running around in his head. He wanted to sleep so badly, but he just couldn’t relax. It would probably be one of those nights again where he would stay awake until dawn. He turned on his back and stared at the ceiling.

_Please, Adam, please!_

Then out of nowhere Adam was calling for him. At first Sauli thought it was just his imagination and he almost turned away from the voice. But Adam was really back in his head. The voice was clear and loud.

Sauli’s heart pounded so loud in his chest, he had to sit up.

“Adam?” He managed a whisper and was granted a shy laugh by Adam.

“ _Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry; I didn’t keep in touch, but…_ ”

Sauli interrupted him. “I don’t care about the reasons. Let me just hear your voice.” Sauli could feel tears of relief pushing in his eyes and had to swallow hard.

“ _Sauli, I…_ ”

Adam was clearly at a loss for words. Sauli waited, trying to give Adam the time to collect his thoughts.

“ _Why didn’t you tell me, that you would die, if we don’t go through with the mating?_ ”

Sauli closed his eyes.

_Damn! What was Adam’s game?_

“Why should I? It’s not exactly a secret, is it?” Sauli could feel anger creeping up inside of him.

“ _For me it was news, Sauli. I didn’t know. This is all new for me._ ” Adam’s voice was weak and small. “ _Do you really think I would knowingly risk your life?_ ”

Sauli snorted. “I don’t know, Adam. You are acting weird. I am trying to be patient, I really am. But I don’t understand you at all. There is a strange vibe coming from you, but I can’t figure you out. Deep down I know that you must be a good person, because you are my mate. It’s just like there is something wrong with you and it hurts that I can’t help you.”

Adam sighed. “ _Sauli, there is so much you don’t know, so much wrong with me. I just don’t know how to tell you. I hope once I manage to get a better grip on myself, I will be able to tell you everything and work it out._ ”

Sauli snorted. “Adam, don’t pull away from me again. Don’t you dare do that!”

Sauli was really angry now. Adam was his mate, he should trust him! He should let him decide if he could handle whatever was wrong with him. Sauli could hear Adam wince.

“ _Sauli, it’s not that easy for me. I don’t know you at all. I can’t be open and talk to you about what is happening to me. It just doesn’t feel right._ ”

Sauli got up and started to pace in his room. “Fuck you, Adam! This is not only about you, you selfish asshole!”

All the anger, worry and hurt burst out at once.

“I am dying inside without you! Don’t you understand that I really need you?” Sauli punched the wall for emphasis.

It didn’t help.

“ _Sauli, I am trying…_ ”

Sauli interrupted him. “Try harder! Whatever it is, that makes you unsure of our bond, tell me about it! Talk to me! We are supposed to find a solution for every problem together. This is what this fucking bond is about!”

Adam was quiet, awfully quiet. Sauli felt bad because of the sadness emanating over the distance from his mate was overwhelming. He should be more patient. He should try to understand…

_No!_

Sauli rubbed over his temples. “Adam, listen. There is some pressure from my family to report you to our council. I refused it until now. But once my father comes back at the end of the month, I won’t be able to protect you anymore.”

Sauli sighed and sat down on his bed. “To be honest Adam, I can’t protect you anymore. I don’t have enough strength in me to do so. I’m so exhausted and so torn. I want to understand you and help you, but on the other hand I just need you with me. It’s killing me that you don’t see at least one good thing in the mating. You are just bitching about how hard this is for you. But Adam, you are not alone in this. And your behavior is hurting me.”

He was fighting the tears, because he didn’t want to cry again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Adam, you have four weeks to get your shit together and face the fact that you have commitments to fulfill.”

He could feel Adam’s irritation and had to force himself to stay calm. He didn’t want to hurt Adam. But it was also about him and a selfish part of him just wanted to stay alive.

“I will let you go now Adam. Think about it and make the right decisions. It’s up to you.” Sauli turned away and broke the contact.

As soon as Adam was gone, tears spilled out of his eyes. After a while, he got up and crawled under the covers. He ignored the knocking at his door a while later. He just needed to be alone.

~ ♥ ~

_Try harder!_

Sauli’s words were still ringing in Adam’s ears days after their last contact. Adam didn’t know what to do. The animal was telling him over and over again that Sauli was right. Adam knew that. He knew that he had to get himself together and find a way to deal with his life and with the mating. Still he felt as if he was not ready for any of that. He wished he could stay in his bubble where he refused to think about a mate who would die if he didn’t go through with the mating.

Instead of trying to take Sutan’s offer to talk to him, he moped around in his room. He even refused to spend time with Tommy. It was like he decided to ignore everything Sauli and Sutan had told him. As if he was hoping ignoring it would make it less real.

It was almost September and Adam knew Sauli’s time was running out. He just wasn’t able to do anything about it. Maybe a part of him hoped the decision would be forced on him. He felt numb and unable to make a move in the right direction.

He decided to wait and let happen whatever would happen. He was stubborn like that.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli was stubborn too. He didn’t try to contact Adam again. He’d made his point clear, didn’t he?

So it was not that surprising, that the king and Sauli’s father, Osmo Koskinen, returned from his journey to find his son alone. The moment he walked into his home, he sensed something was wrong. Then he found Sauli in deep thoughts sitting alone in the living room.

“Sauli, don’t you want to welcome me at least?”

Sauli smiled and jumped up to fly into his father’s arms. They hugged for a while. Then Osmo pulled back to look at his son.

“Sauli? What’s wrong?”

Sauli could see worry written all over his father’s face. He swallowed hard and looked down.

“There is something I need to tell you. Maybe I should have told you about that a while ago, but I was hoping to solve the problem on my own.”

He guided them back to the couch to sit down. The king’s face was full of concern now. He took Sauli’s hand and squeezed it to encourage him.

Sauli swallowed once more and kept his eyes down.

“I found my mate. In fact, he found me. It happened on the first day of May. He appeared in my bedroom and touched me. But then he ran away and I haven’t seen him since.”

Sauli didn’t dare look up. His father forced eye contact when he put his hand under Sauli’s chin. The look in his eyes was not what Sauli had expected. It was full of concern, worry and love. He’d been afraid to see rage and anger.

“Why haven’t you two completed the mating? I still feel only your aura around you.”

Sauli sighed and closed his eyes. “As far as I can tell he is afraid of the mating. We have had some contact, but nothing in four weeks.”

Sauli stopped, opened his eyes and got up. He started to pace. “I don’t know why he is acting this weird. He admitted that there is something wrong with him, but didn’t tell me what. I feel so betrayed and so… alone.”

His voice broke at the end, tears pushing into his eyes.

“Sauli, son, come here.”

Sauli walked back over and let his father pull him into his embrace.

“You know that we have to report this?”

Sauli nodded, tears now running quietly down his cheeks. “I told him I would have to do it when you got back.”

His father pulled back. “He knows who you are, doesn’t he?”

Sauli shrugged. “I don’t know. He is so weird. When he contacted me the last time we had an argument. He told me that he didn’t know that I would die if we don’t mate. And he seemed upset that I didn’t tell him. He keeps telling me that something is wrong with him, but he doesn’t give me any details. He wanted to sort things out on his own, but either he didn’t or he just doesn’t care.”

The king’s expression was unreadable. Sauli just couldn’t say what his father was thinking. After a few moments the king got up and walked towards the kitchen. “I need something to drink.”

Sauli followed and watched him taking a sip out of a bottle with blood. When the king turned back to his son, his face was in a deep frown. “I think, there is something about your mate that is strange. We need to give him a chance to explain himself.”

Sauli snorted.

“I know Sauli, you are impatient. But he is your mate. Mother Nature has chosen him to be yours. There must be a reason for that. You just need to have some faith in the mating call and a little bit of faith in him despite the way he’s acting.”

Sauli nodded, still not fully convinced. He just hoped his father was right.

“I am sure, everything will work out eventually.” He took Sauli’s hands and looked down into his son’s eyes. “We will contact the council tomorrow. Now sit down with me and tell me about your mate.”

Sauli smiled despite the situation. “Dad, he is so beautiful.” He started.

They talked for a while and Sauli allowed himself to feel happy about the fact that he had a mate.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli’s ultimatum ended two weeks ago and nothing happened. Adam should have been happy about that, shouldn’t he? But he was disappointed. He was hoping for something to happen to get him out of his misery.

The tour was going good. He kept in touch with his mother. He had to tell her he was at a camp though. But the phone calls made him happy and he always felt better afterwards.

Still there were the nights when he felt lonely. His animal was so quiet; he could hear his own thoughts running around in his head. Every time he tried to get in contact with the animal, he just got a groan or a huff in answer. At least it stopped to call him names and yell inside his head. He was just not sure if the silence was any better.

~ ♥ ~

Adam was sitting in front of the mirror to take off his makeup. He looked up when Sutan walked in with a gorgeous Viking at his side. He was big with broad shoulders and long, blond hair. His eyes were a clear shade of blue. He was not Adam’s type, but he was really handsome.

Something close to Adam fell to the floor with a clutter and Tommy, with a curse on his lips, was leaning down to get the bottle with nail polish he’d dropped. Adam was confused to see him blushing when he got up again. Before he could ask what was going on, Sutan spoke up.

“Tommy, can you please leave us alone for a few minutes?”

Tommy almost jumped in his hurry to get out of the room. “Sure, I was done with my cleaning up. See you guys on the bus.”

He walked past the Viking and turned back with awe in his eyes when he was almost out of the door to look at the Viking’s ass. He turned around in a hurry when he saw that Adam was watching him.

When the door behind Tommy closed, Sutan pointed toward the Viking. “This is Eric. He was sent from the Finnish council.”

Adam looked between Sutan and Eric in confusion. Eric stretched his hand out and smiled at Adam. “Hi! So you are Prince Sauli’s mate?”

Adam’s eyes got wide. “Prince?”

Eric laughed at that. “Yeah, this is so typical for Sauli, not telling you that.”

Adam sat down in his chair. “What do you want?”

Eric looked back at Sutan and Sutan nodded slightly. “I’m here because you were reported. The council didn’t want to blow it up and make it worse than it already is. I suggested contacting Sutan to talk to you first. This is kind of an unofficial intervention.”

Adam thought for a few seconds about what Eric just told him. “You know Sutan?”

Eric smiled at that. “Yeah, I met Sutan a while ago when he was traveling through Europe. When was it Sutan? 1950s?”

Sutan smiled back. “I guess it was more the 60s. Man that was fun!”

They laughed clearly thinking back to that time. Adam’s thoughts were running wild in his head.

_Sauli reported me?_

He knew that would happen, but it still hurt.

Eric turned his gaze back to Adam. “Sauli didn’t report you. It was his family. They are worried about him.”

Adam sighed and whispered. “Somehow I was hoping that would happen.”

Eric and Sutan both let out a surprised breath.

Adam smiled sadly. “Yeah, the whole thing was blocking me emotionally. I knew I had to do something, but I was not able to make any kind of decision.”

He could feel himself relaxing. It was strange to feel happy about that. He hated to lose control, but here he was, happy about exactly that. He shook his head about his contradictions.

“Adam, the idea is that you and I talk and get to know each other. I need to find out why you refuse the bond. Of course I’m also here to change your mind, to try to get you to accept it. I hope Sutan can be helpful with that?”

Sutan nodded. “Of course I will. I think we all want peace between the packs, especially between the international packs.”

Eric looked back to Adam. “I suggest we get together later. I gave Sutan the name of the hotel where I’m staying. I will stay here for at least 2 weeks. Then we will see.”

Adam just nodded. Eric turned towards Sutan and nodded his good-bye. Then he was gone.

Adam let his head fall on the table. Sutan came closer to pet his shoulder. “I think it’s good they sent Eric.”

Adam didn’t look up.

“Adam, we need to solve the situation, you know that.”

Adam nodded his head still propped on his arms on the table.

“Get ready, so we can set up a meeting with Eric.”

Adam mumbled a quiet “Okay, Sutan.”

~ ♥ ~

Adam’s head was spinning. The meeting with Eric lasted over 3 hours. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. He just wanted to take a shower and hide under a blanket. That was when he could feel Sauli reaching out for him. The timing made him smile.

“Hi, Sauli!” His voice was so soft, it surprised him. He shook his head.

“ _Adam, I just wanted to give you a heads up. My father reported you to the council. They sent someone to meet you. His name is Eric, he is…_ ”

Adam interrupted him. “He is nice, Sauli. Calm down.”

Sauli was silent for a little while. “ _So, you met him?_ ”

Adam could almost feel Sauli tensing up.

“Sauli, it’s not that bad. Actually I think it might be good.” He stopped not sure how to go on. “Sauli, look, I think we should talk. Really talk. I just…”

Sauli sighed. “ _Yeah, I get it Adam. I didn’t want to interrupt you._ ”

Adam smiled. “Sauli, I just want to take a shower. Can we talk in half an hour?” He could almost feel happiness radiating from Sauli.

“ _Yes, yes._ ”

~ ♥ ~

Sauli felt restless. Adam suggested having a talk. And he sounded so, so… excited and positive? Sauli was afraid that meeting Eric would push Adam even further away from him. Eric was a great guy, but his mission was clear and short: make Adam accept the mating-call.

Sauli was looking at his watch, for the tenth time in a minute.

_How could time go by that slowly?_

He had just finished his breakfast and he didn’t have work to do. He tried to distract himself by listening to music, but that didn’t work well. He started to read a magazine but couldn’t concentrate on anything. Maybe he should clean up his room? He looked around, but everything was in its place. He stepped out on the balcony and breathed the morning air. A smile was gracing his face. Everything seemed possible again.

He stepped inside and was just about to sit on his bed, when he could feel Adam calling for him. His heart was tripping over itself.

“Yes, Adam. I am here.” Sauli sat down and pulled the blanket over him, suddenly needing some comfort.

“ _Hey._ ” Adam’s voice was quiet. “ _I don’t even know where to start, to be honest._ ” There was a hint of a smile in Adam’s voice.

Sauli could feel himself relaxing into his mattress. “Tell me about your day then?”

Adam laughed quietly back and told Sauli about the interviews he did earlier. They laughed about the questions and Sauli was surprised how easy talking with Adam was going. Finally they came to the point where they had to talk about the real important thing between them.

“ _So, I heard you are a prince?_ ”

Sauli rolled his eyes. “Eric couldn’t leave that out, could he?”

Adam laughed. “ _It was the first thing he told me about you. He probably wanted to make sure I would listen to him._ ”

Sauli relaxed again at the teasing tone in Adam’s voice. “And did you listen?”

Adam sighed. “ _I did Sauli, I really did. And I am really sorry for all this shit I put you through, especially in the last weeks. I was selfish and didn’t think what this whole mating meant for you. Eric told me some nice things about you. He was very convincing._ ”

Sauli smiled. “That sounds like him. So tell me, what do you think about us?”

Sauli could feel Adam tensing up, but only for a second.

“ _He just tried to make me see what a lovely person you are._ ”

Sauli closed his eyes. “He did?”

Adam was smiling again. “ _He did. But honestly Sauli, I never thought anything bad about you. I am just scared about the whole mating thing. I mean we are not even official mates and my life is already changing. And it’s really hard to accept how much you rule my decisions already, you know?_ ”

Sauli frowned. “What do you mean?” He could feel a wave of embarrassment coming over from Adam. He didn’t answer. “Adam? What is it?”

Adam sighed. “ _It’s embarrassing._ ”

Sauli smiled softly. “I can feel that. But you can tell me anything, you know?” Sauli could feel Adam trying to relax.

“ _Ok. I tried to…_ ” Sauli felt Adam taking another deep breath. “ _I tried to hook up with someone back in summer._ ”

They stayed silent for a while after that. Finally Sauli couldn’t stand it. “It didn’t work out, I guess?”

Adam whispered. “ _No, it didn’t. It hurt when I tried to kiss him._ ”

Sauli closed his eyes against the pain inside him. “It will stay like that. When you try to be with someone else, you will get hurt.”

“ _Are you responsible for that?_ ”

Sauli sighed. “Not on purpose. It’s just an effect of our touch. As soon as the mates touch each other, they are unavailable for anyone else. You can’t touch or kiss anyone except me. The same goes for me.”

Adam was confused. “ _But I kiss Tommy almost every night. And I hug people all the time._ ”

Sauli had to laugh at that. “You are not interested in any of them, so there is no danger to the bond. And I guess Tommy is not interested in you at all.”

Sauli had to bite a smile away at the way Adam tensed.

“ _How can you know that? You know, he is bi, so he could be interested._ ”

Sauli laughed then. “Adam, I know for sure he is not. I can’t tell you why, but I feel that Tommy is in no way a danger to our bond. In fact I feel he is a big help if anything for us and for you.”

Sauli could feel Adam smiling. “ _So I won’t get laid?_ ” Sauli smiled. “Nope. Sorry. You have to suck it up.” Adam sighed.

“Hey, behave! I could make it even harder and manipulate you, so you couldn’t touch yourself either.”

Adam didn’t seem to hear the teasing in Sauli’s voice. “ _You could do that?_ ”

Sauli burst out in laughter. “No, definitely not.” He laughed for a few moments. “Adam, how come you don’t know things like that?”

Adam sighed sadly. “ _That is a long, sad story._ ”

“Adam, we have all the time in the world now. I need to know.”

Adam agreed and then started to tell Sauli everything about his life as a vampire. When they finished and decided that Adam needed some rest, Sauli was emotionally drained too.

He thought about Adam’s life as a lonely vampire. He must have been lost and scared. His maker created a hurt and unfinished vampire, a creature so vulnerable and so desperate to keep the rest of him in control. Sauli could understand that the mating call felt like another threat. He was sad that his mate had to go through all this pain. He wished he could help him.

Sauli had to talk to the council. He wanted them to understand why his mate was acting that strange. He wanted to buy Adam some more time to see the mating as a great gift, as a chance to be happy and in love forever and a chance to finally be healed.

~ ♥ ~

Adam was surprised how easy it was to let Sauli into his daily life. He followed Eric’s advice to open up and let Sauli in. It was strange at first. He kept all his feelings under a cover for so long. But as soon as they started the daily talks, he relaxed and started to enjoy it. He found out that his mate was indeed a lovely man.

Sauli was very caring and always interested in everything that was happening in Adam’s life. He seemed to know what to ask and when to offer some support. Adam was surprised that he wished he could hug him. He wanted to get to know him better. The whole mating thing was still scaring him, but he knew he would be able to handle it.

Eric stayed with them until they had to leave for Asia. They talked a lot and Eric shared some stories about Sauli. Adam finally started to accept the mating as something good and not completely negative. Maybe Sauli was a gift the universe was giving him to make up for all the things he’d lost?

The night before they had to go to Singapore, Adam had dinner with Sutan and Eric. Surprisingly Tommy joined them. Adam looked in confusion between Eric and Tommy.

Eric shrugged. “Hey, Tommy knows everything about us.”

Tommy blushed and Adam was wondering what was going on between them. Sutan was biting a smile away and they sat down. Tommy brought some Mexican food for himself. He was almost diving into the food; he seemed to be so hungry.  The three vampires stared at him, Eric with something dark in his eyes.

Tommy looked between them. He swallowed his food down. “What? I am hungry! You should see yourself, when you are gulping your blood drinks down, when you are hungry.”

They had to laugh about it. Adam shook his head. Tommy was such a good friend. He was grateful fate brought him into his lonely life. He changed so much for him. He could feel the love he felt for his friend when he watched him smiling shyly at Eric.

Eric, after exchanging a short intimate look with Tommy, turned towards Adam. “The council in Helsinki won’t make any official intervention for now. I told them about you and Sauli also talked to them. He explained your situation. They will give you until the end of this year, but only on one condition.”

Adam nodded.

“You have to come to Finland and meet the council. They also want you to meet Sauli. They don’t insist that you finish the mating that soon, though.”

Adam sighed. “I am on tour; I don’t even know the schedule. I will be somewhere in Europe though. Maybe he could join me?”

Eric shook his head. “The council already organized a concert in Helsinki for you.”

Adam’s eyes went wide. “What? But how?”

Eric laughed. “These are the benefits a royal family of vampires has in Finland, Adam. Get used to it. They don’t have as much power as human royals in some countries, but they know people.”

Adam nodded. “So, when is the concert in Finland?”

Eric smiled and looked quickly over to Tommy, to make sure he was also listening. “The concert is on the sixth of November. I suggest you meet Sauli after the concert. You can talk with him about the details.”

Adam nodded again. “Yeah, I will do that later. Actually I will go and leave you now.” He got up. “Eric, I guess I will see you in November then?”

Eric got up too and pulled Adam into a hug. “Yeah. Take care of yourself, Adam.” Then he got close enough to whisper in Adam’s ear. “And can you look out for Tommy?”

Adam nodded completely stunned.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli liked the idea of meeting after the concert. He suggested the Jenny Woo.

Adam smiled. “I know that place. I went there when I was in Finland in spring.”

Sauli sighed. “ _I know Adam. The whole club was full of your scent for weeks. It was driving me crazy._ ”

Adam laughed. “Really? I’m sorry baby!”

Sauli’s breath caught in his throat.

“I’m sorry; it just slipped out of my mouth.” Adam was stuttering.

“ _No, it was nice. It just surprised me to hear you calling me baby._ ”

Adam could feel the happiness coming from Sauli. “I’m looking forward to see you, Sauli. I really want to. I want to look at you.”

Sauli laughed. “ _Yeah, me too._ ”

Adam smiled. “I like your laugh. It’s so… this may sound weird for a vampire to say that, but it sounds like sunshine.”

Sauli swallowed. “ _It sounds nice, thank you._ ”

Adam could hear the tears through Sauli’s voice. “We’ll be alright, Sauli. I promise to give us a chance. Don’t cry, baby.”

Sauli sobbed more. “ _Sorry, I just miss you so much. It’s hurting me inside._ ”

Adam sighed. “I know. I think it’s harder for you, because you can’t separate the inner animal. My animal is missing you so much. It drives me crazy.”

Sauli giggled through his sobs. “ _Yeah? But what about you, do you miss me?_ ”

Adam swallowed hard. “I guess so. I mean, I want to see you. Badly.”

Sauli smiled again. “ _That is good. Really good._ ”

Adam smiled back. “It really is.”

~ ♥ ~

The talks became a daily routine. Adam found himself looking forward to them. They talked about everything, almost everything. It seemed like they had known each other for years. Everything was easy between them. Sometimes it scared Adam how easy it was. There was something about Sauli that made him feel almost normal.

His animal was still not talking to him, but at least it wasn’t yelling at him anymore. It was probably still moping. Sometimes it felt like it was smiling a bit during Adam’s talks with Sauli. Adam really hoped things would get better between them sometime soon. He missed it and he was lonely inside his head.

Adam started counting the days until he would be in Helsinki. The pull between them was growing stronger with every word that was spoken between them. With every smile and laughter Adam’s faith in the meaning of the bond between them was growing. Somehow Sauli managed to work himself deep into Adam’s heart. Adam didn’t try to stop him. Somehow he forgot all about the bond and how afraid he was of the pending mating.

~ ♥ ~

November was almost here. Sauli’s nerves were all on edge. He couldn’t wait to finally see Adam again, to really see him. He hoped he could also feel him, touch him.

Days went by so slowly, it was driving him crazy. All the talks with Adam just made him want him more. He hoped that Adam could at least imagine giving him a real chance. He didn’t dare dream about it.

His family hoped the best for Sauli. They agreed to give Adam more time, but Sauli knew they wouldn’t wait forever. They were afraid of losing him. Sauli avoided thinking about the possibility that Adam would still refuse to mate with him when they met.

The council could force the mating. But Sauli didn’t want that. It would seem like rape and he didn’t want a forced mating with Adam. He didn’t say that to anyone, but he decided he’d rather die if Adam didn’t want forever with him.

He just hoped he didn’t have to go through with it.

~ ♥ ~

Tommy put his hand over Adam’s knee. “Calm down, Adam. All will be fine.”

Adam snorted. “If you say so, Tommy.”

Tommy squeezed Adam’s knee and pulled back. He had to bite a smile away. Adam was staring out of the window of their car. The concert was amazing and now they were on their way to Jenny Woo’s. Adam was almost vibrating with nerves. It was hard to breathe, hard to think. Sauli had been so quiet the last times they talked. Adam assumed that he was nervous too.

_I am on my way, Sauli._

He didn’t try to contact Sauli since he arrived in Finland. He was just too busy and there was not a minute of free time left for him. But now he was on his way to finally meet Sauli, his mate.

The second Adam stepped into Jenny Woo’s he could smell Sauli. It was such an overwhelming attraction that pulled him towards where Sauli was standing at the bar, he couldn’t stop himself from walking right over.

Sauli was deeply engaged in a conversation, oblivious of Adam’s arrival. People were trying to talk to Adam and stop him. He tried to be polite, but it was hard with the animal yelling inside his head to move faster.

Finally he was right behind Sauli. The animal was pushing towards Sauli, Adam felt like it would burst out of his skin. He took a deep breath and tapped Sauli on the shoulder. He could feel the moment Sauli recognized him; he tensed and slowly turned around.

Adam was holding his breath, while the animal was scratching against his insides. Finally Sauli was facing him. Their eyes met and souls bonded. Everything stopped. It was like everything became timeless, motionless and soundless.

Then the animal inside Adam howled and pushed Adam so hard, he almost fell over Sauli. He took Sauli’s hand and pulled him with him while he was looking for a quiet place in the club. It seemed like it took him forever but finally they stepped into an empty office. Adam closed the door behind them. The music was now only a faint echo behind them. All Adam could hear was the rush of his blood calling for Sauli and his animal howling inside him.

They haven’t even spoken yet, they obviously just enjoyed gazing into each other’s eyes. Sauli reached up and touched Adam’s cheek. That quiet touch lit a fire deep inside Adam’s body and his animal took over.

Adam pushed Sauli against the door and held his wrists with one hand above his head. The hold on Sauli’s hands was strong and Sauli’s eyes went wide right before they clouded with arousal. Adam could feel his fangs pushing to come out. With his free hand he grabbed Sauli’s chin and turned his head to have free access to Sauli’s neck. The animal was screaming for Sauli’s blood.

_“Make him ours! Claim him! Claim him! Now!!!”_

Right before Adam could sink his fangs into Sauli’s neck, Sauli pushed him away. The movement was so surprising, that Adam stumbled a few steps back. The animal winced. Adam’s eyes went wide. Sauli was standing in front of him, anger emanatingfrom him in waves.

“Adam, what the hell? You think I will let you claim me in a back room of a shady bar?”

He was balling his hands to fists. The animal started to sob. It was an unexpected reaction and Adam was surprised how much it was hurting him to hear that.

He winced at the expression on Sauli’s face. “I… I’m sorry. It just…”He closed his eyes and sighed. “I’m fucking this up. I just lost control over my actions. Sorry, please forgive me.”

Adam opened his eyes to see Sauli looking at him. The anger was still there, but there was also understanding and something else underneath. It calmed Adam.

“Sauli?” He whispered in the thick air around them. His voice was covered in a plea.

“Okay.” Sauli moved slowly closer. “Let us get out of here and cool down?”

Adam nodded and let Sauli lead him out of the club. The air outside was cold. They walked for a while; Adam didn’t even know where they were or where they walked to. He was ashamed and angry about his own reaction, about the animal’s reaction. They were waiting for this moment and now it was all so weird between them. Adam couldn’t stand it anymore. He stepped in Sauli’s way.

“Listen Sauli, this is stupid. I mean we have talked for weeks and now we finally meet and everything is so weird. What can I do? What can I say to make you shine again?”

He reached out and cupped Sauli’s face. Their eyes locked.

“Please Sauli, help me.” Adam whispered.

Sauli smiled back at him then. Adam couldn’t hold back anymore. He leaned down and finally their lips met in a tender kiss. It was just a touch of lips, but it felt like their souls were making love. They were both shivering under the power of their bond. Adam pulled back, his warm breath breaking the icy air around them.

“Please, come with me to my hotel. I need to feel you. I promise I will keep the animal under control.”

Sauli nodded and smiled.

The sun was shining for Adam again.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli was nervous on their walk back. Adam was not the reason for that; it was the animal inside of Adam. Sauli never met an unfinished vampire before. It was weird to have two beings right in front of you, bound together in one body. It was hard to concentrate on feeling which part was Adam and where the animal began. The moment Adam tried to claim him; Sauli knew it was actually the animal. He’d been talking to it when he pushed Adam away. There was a connection between them and Sauli knew that the animal wanted to claim him as soon as possible. It was hurt and lonely.

He could also feel the disconnection between Adam and the animal. They needed each other but couldn’t find a common ground. Sauli knew that the mating could help Adam reconnect with the animal and to become one being. He was just scared what would happen if it didn’t work out.

_What would happen when Adam couldn’t be fixed at all?_

Sauli was stealing glances of Adam while they walked towards the hotel. He was really beautiful. Sauli had seen pictures already, but still, it was breathtaking to see Adam in person. His aura was very captivating. Sauli was sure he would have been drawn to Adam even without the bond between them.

The animal was a part of Adam and Sauli knew that he would have to deal with the animal even if they could fix Adam. The animal would still be there, only connected to Adam in an inseparable way. Sauli was sure that once the animal and Adam became one whole being, the vampire he would be, would be well balanced. Still a part of him was afraid that the anger and the violent side of the animal could become a very present part of Adam. That could make things between them very hard to handle. It would also be a problem to show Adam off as his mate, a prince’s mate, if Adam turned into an angry, uncontrollable freak.

Sauli let out a sigh. Adam looked over at him. His face was so open, Sauli could read everything Adam was feeling. It was breaking his heart to see how insecure and shy Adam was. He was obviously scared too about what happened back in the club. Maybe he was thinking he lost Sauli. Sauli decided to give Adam some assurance. He took his hand and held it until they got to the hotel.

They got into the room and Adam excused himself to go to the bathroom. Sauli walked over to the window and watched the lights of Helsinki out there. The city had a calming effect on him. It was his home. Sauli sighed. There was so much between them, so much they needed to talk about.

Where would they live? Would Adam accept Sauli’s obligations towards his family, towards Finland? Sauli leaned his forehead against the cool glass and closed his eyes. He could feel Adam coming closer, but stayed the way he was.

Adam was right behind Sauli, his body only a breath away. Sauli was holding his breath, not able to think about what he wanted, what he needed. Finally Adam’s body was pressed against his. Adam’s arms surrounded him and pulled him closer into Adam’s chest. Sauli let himself fall into the embrace and laid his head against Adam’s shoulder.

Adam kissed Sauli’s head and whispered. “I think we need to talk. But I’m scared of what’s going to come out of it.” Sauli turned around in Adam’s arms and looked up at him. “I’m scared too, but I believe that things can only get easier once we talk.”

He got up on his toes and put a soft kiss on Adam’s lips. “Come, let us sit down and talk.” Adam nodded.

~ ♥ ~

They didn’t sit down. Somehow it happened that they were lying on the bed, facing each other but not touching. The animal was finally silent. Everything was calm. For some minutes they were just looking at each other and smiling comforting little smiles.

Finally Adam started. “I don’t think I am the right person for you. See, I’m broken, unable to live, unable to love. I just can’t seem to let myself fall in love again. Not completely.”

Sauli reached out and tucked a strand of Adam’s hair behind his ear. “I don’t believe that. You are not broken; you just need a little fixing.”

Adam looked at Sauli then burst out with laughter. “Wow, I need to write this down. Amazing line!”

Sauli giggled. “You know what I mean. I understand that you are afraid, I am too. You are special in so many ways. I know there is a chance that our mating will fix what went wrong when you were turned. But I’m afraid it won’t work.” Sauli closed his eyes and sighed. “I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

Adam almost missed those whispered words. He moved closer and cupped Sauli’s face. When Sauli opened his eyes, Adam kissed his nose.

“Sauli, you won’t disappoint me. I hope our mating will help me. It’s worth a try.”

Sauli pulled away from Adam and got up. He started pacing along the bed. “Adam, I am afraid what will happen when it doesn’t work, I‘ve done some research. I know that an unfinished vampire can’t live like that forever. We don’t know how long you can make it like that. We just don’t know.”

Adam’s eyes followed Sauli. He knew Sauli was right. But he couldn’t bring himself to rush them into the mating just to be safe.

“Sauli, listen. I know you are worried. I just want to have some time to get to know you before I mate with you. I know that the bond is strong between us and this alone would be enough to keep us together. But it’s not what I want. I want to fall in love. I want to date. I want to love you even without the bond. Do you get that?”

Sauli stopped and walked back to Adam. He laid down again and let his body touch Adam’s.

“I understand you. I will just have to find a way to believe that we have the time for what you want. I just don’t want to lose you. I don’t think my soul would survive.”

Adam nodded and pulled Sauli into an embrace. Sauli laid his head on Adam’s chest. This was where he belonged. He could feel the animal purring inside Adam. It was right under Adam’s skin and it seemed like it wanted to crawl out of Adam and into Sauli. Sauli felt comfort in the animal’s longing. It might have some wild tendencies and it scared him earlier, but it was also gentle in his feelings for him. Sauli could feel himself relaxing with the animal’s attention.

Adam was stroking Sauli’s head. That was comforting too. They stayed like that for hours and let their thoughts and worries rest.

~ ♥ ~

Adam woke up with a start. Something seemed to be wrong. He looked around in fear. Sauli was gone. Adam’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was unable to calm down. He felt really strange and couldn’t calm down enough to find out what was disturbing him.

He took some deep breaths and was finally able to feel what was different: the animal was happy and relaxed. It was just there, without yelling or pushing or pulling on him. Just like a silent being inside him. Like a part of him.

Adam let out a laugh. It felt weird but so good.

_So good._

He let himself fall back into the bed, unable to stop smiling.

He needed to tell Sauli about this change. He was relaxed enough to hear Sauli showering. An unexpected wave of lust was slamming into him and left him breathless. He was moving in autopilot toward the bathroom, unable and unwilling to stop. The door wasn’t locked, so he used the opportunity and went in. Sauli was standing under the water spray, his back towards the door. Adam could feel the very moment Sauli was sensing him standing at the door. His back tensed and then relaxed again.

Adam got rid of his clothes while he moved closer to the shower. Sauli was quiet when Adam opened the shower. He moved behind Sauli and Sauli let his body fall back against Adam.

Adam used the fact that Sauli was soaped up. He ran his hands over Sauli’s torso, down to his crotch. He let his hands stroke lightly over Sauli’s cock. The hitch in Sauli’s breath made him tremble with his own need.

He took Sauli’s cock firmly into his hand and started to pump it in a slow rhythm. Sauli was moaning loudly while he tried to stay on his feet. Adam pulled him closer against his own cock and started to rub himself against Sauli’s ass crack. Their moans were echoing in the shower as their moves were getting faster and finally they both found their release.

Sauli turned around in Adam’s arms and kissed him hard. When he pulled away, Adam just stared at him. While he tried to breathe normally again, a thought flashed in his head and made him almost fall to his knees.

_I am falling for him._

It was not even the thought that surprised him. It was more the fact that it wasn’t the animal thinking that.

It was Adam.

~ ♥ ~

“I wish I didn’t have to leave now. It was so good to be with you, to feel you, to touch you.”

Adam was stroking over Sauli’s face. He liked the feel of his skin. He let his fingertips dance over Sauli’s cheekbones, his nose, and his lips. He memorized all the features of that handsome face. He wanted to be able to close his eyes and see that face in front of him anytime. He was falling fast and hard. To his own surprise it didn’t scare him as much as he thought it would.

Sauli turned his face to kiss Adam’s palm and closed his eyes. “I will miss you.”

All of sudden there were tears in Sauli’s eyes and he kept them closed. He didn’t want Adam to see them.

“Sauli, open your eyes.” Sauli shook his head. “Sauli, please, open your eyes.”

Sauli sniffed and gave in. When he opened his eyes, tears slipped out and rolled down his cheeks. Adam cupped his face and wiped Sauli’s tears away. He leaned down and kissed him. Their lips moved slowly and gently against each other. They pulled away and pressed their foreheads against each other. They kept gazing into each other’s eyes until a knock outside the room made them pull away.

“I have to go, Sauli.”

Sauli nodded. “When will I see you again?”

Adam was picking up his stuff while he tried to think about an answer. “I don’t know, Sauli. I mean, I guess we will have to meet soon. I think your council will want us to mate soon.”

Sauli’s look turned sad at that. “Yeah, probably.”

He turned away from Adam, unable to mask the hurt anymore.

“Sauli, don’t do that…” Adam let his backpack fall to the ground again. “Don’t turn away from me. I didn’t mean it like that…”

Sauli turned around, suddenly mad. “Of course you did! You think I care about what the council might say? No, I don’t give a damn! I don’t want us to mate just because someone tells us we have to. I want us to mate, because we want to. Because _you_ want to.”

The last words were whispered and Sauli started towards the door. Adam reached out and grabbed his arm. “Sauli, don’t leave like that…”

But Sauli just pulled his arm free and walked out the door. Adam leaned his head against the wall and sighed.

_Why was this whole thing so difficult?_

He felt stupid. They moved one step forward, just to go two steps back. It was exhausting and he wished things were different. He wished they could just embrace their bond and enjoy what seemed to be a gift. But somehow it didn’t work that easy. Maybe Sauli was too demanding or maybe Adam was too slow. It was frustrating!

Another knock made him sigh and take his things to leave the room and Helsinki behind him.

It was different than the last time. He didn’t run away, he really didn’t. He had a job to do. Sauli was not the reason he was leaving.

Sauli was the reason he might have wanted to stay this time.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli was frustrated and wanted to hit something, or someone. Adam was driving him crazy. Just when things started to turn in the right direction! Sauli was again pacing in his room. What should he do, should he wait again? Should he be patient?

_No! I won’t wait any longer. This has to stop!_

Adam was already on his way out of Helsinki, but not out of Sauli’s reach. And Sauli would make him listen this time. He thought for a few minutes about what he needed to say. Then he decided that he would just go for it and see where it will lead. He sat down on his bed and reached out for Adam.

“ _Sauli?_ ” Adam sounded surprised, almost shocked.

Sauli had to swallow to be able to get through his plan. “Yes, or do you have another mate, you are doing this telepathy thing with?” Sauli almost winced at the tone of his own voice.

“ _Of course not!_ ” Adam sounded hurt.

“Yeah.” Sauli was not able to say more. The anger he felt just moments before was disappearing as soon as he heard Adam’s voice in his head.

_Damn, I can’t even be angry with him!_

“ _Sauli, I’m sorry._ ” Adam stopped. “ _I don’t really know what happened earlier, but I have the feeling I did something wrong._ ”

Sauli sighed. “I guess I am just impatient. And this whole situation between us is driving me crazy. I need you so much. I want to be with you, to show you how good it could be with us together. But it seems like time and distance are working against us.”

Sauli hated how needy he was and how much his voice showed that need. On the other hand at this point, he shouldn’t care. He wanted Adam. The need was huge before they met, but now after the last hours, it was killing him to be apart from Adam.

“It drives me insane to be away from you.” He whispered.

Sauli could hear Adam breathing and he could feel how much Adam was trying to mask his feelings.

“ _Sauli, I know. I feel that way too._ ” Adam sighed. “ _I just wish you could understand me better. You say you don’t want us to mate just because the council wants it. You say you want me to want us to be mated, but what about you? Are you sure, you want me because of me or is it just the bond you feel?_ ”

Sauli remained silent. Thoughts were running through his head.

“ _Sauli, I have to go. Think about what YOU really want and then let me know._ ”

Before Sauli could say anything else, Adam was gone. Sauli was staring at the ceiling.

_Fuck, Adam was right!_

But how could he be sure? He didn’t spend enough time with Adam. Sure they talked a lot over the last weeks and he felt like he knew him, but still. Sauli expected Adam to fall for him and to be able to see him without the bond. On the other hand Sauli never even thought about his own real feelings.

_What if it was all just the power of the bond?_

Sauli shook his head over this idea. Adam was funny, lovely and an interesting person. This had nothing to do with the bond. But what was it about the attraction, the pull, the lust between them? Was this all just because of the bond?

Sauli never thought about it. Sure, Adam was very attractive, but would this be enough to make Sauli feel as needy as he felt right now? Was that feeling even possible without the bond?

Sauli turned around to lay on his stomach. He looked out through the balcony window. The clouds were turning deep gray and it seemed like it would start raining soon. The weather seemed to feel the same way he did. But he needed to find a way out of his depressing thoughts. He needed to talk to someone to be able to pull his head out of the dark mood. Maybe he should talk to someone who was mated? Maybe his father had some advice?

Decision made, Sauli got up to look for his father. Adam’s voice was still echoing in his head:

_“Think about what YOU really want and then let me know.”_

~ ♥ ~

Adam was beyond tired again. He felt like he was getting a cold. He knew that was not possible, but his throat was aching and he wanted nothing more than to sit down and have a cup of tea with honey.

He was walking towards his hotel. It was late and cold. Oslo wasn’t any different than Helsinki, judging by the weather. He almost got to his room, when Tommy stepped into his path.

“Hey, Adam!”

Adam nodded and prayed silently that Tommy would just leave him alone. He opened his door and when he turned around he saw Tommy waiting to be let in. Adam sighed and walked into his room, leaving the door open behind him.

“Tommy, I’m tired and all I want is to close my eyes and sleep.”

Tommy closed the door behind him and walked towards Adam’s bed, obviously ignoring what Adam said. Adam rolled his eyes before he sat down on his bed beside Tommy.

“What?”

Tommy winced at the annoyed tone in Adam’s voice. “Sorry Adam, but this is important.”

Adam sighed resigned, closed his eyes briefly and then nodded in defeat. “Okay, tell me.”

Tommy was nervous. “Okay, I don’t know how to start.”

Adam shrugged in annoyance. “How about at the beginning?”

Tommy smiled a little smile. “Yeah. Look, you know, I kind of talked to Eric a few times…”

Adam grinned and nodded.

“He told me, that the Finnish council wanted to meet you without Sauli when we were in Finland. They didn’t manage it, because there was not enough time. You were busy with Sauli.” Tommy stopped, taking a deep breath.

“So?”

Tommy started to play with a loose tread on his jeans. “They might be… uh… on their way here…”

Adam jumped up. “What, now?”

Tommy nodded. “I’m sorry, but Eric…”

Adam turned towards Tommy. “What did Eric do?”

Tommy shook his head. “He didn’t do anything, at least not that I know of. He just told me not to tell you that they’ll show up until we are at the hotel.”

Adam stopped in his tracks. “And what else?”

Tommy sighed and started whispering “And he told me to keep an eye on you, so you won’t disappear before they can talk to you. Please, don’t be mad at me…”

Adam sat back down. “Tommy, when?”

Tommy remained silent.

“Tommy?”

Suddenly Tommy looked up towards the door and jumped up. “I’m sorry, Adam.”

Adam looked at him in confusion. “What?”

Tommy nodded towards the door. “They’re here.”

In the same moment a knock at the door interrupted every thought in Adam’s head. He walked over to the door and opened it. There was Eric standing with five other people.

“Hello Adam. We want to have a talk with you.”

Adam nodded and stepped back to let them in. Just before the door could close again, Tommy slipped out but on his way towards the door he gave Eric a strange look. The door closed behind him and Adam was alone with six Finnish vampires.

~ ♥ ~

Osmo Koskinen was an important vampire. He was a member of the European Council and busy traveling all around Europe to meetings. Still he never failed at being a father and a wonderful mate. Sauli was sure he could get some answers if he talked with him. He found his father in his office reading some letters and smiling.

“Dad, can I steal you away from your business for a while?”

Osmo looked up and smiled. “Of course, Sauli.”

He put the papers away and got up. He walked over to Sauli and put his arm around his shoulders. “Should we go for a walk in the garden? I could use some fresh air.”

Sauli laughed while they walked towards the terrace. “You know it’s raining?”

Osmo smiled sheepishly. “That is why I want to be outside. I love rain. The air is so fresh, so new. Let’s sit in the pavilion and breathe the clean air.”

They reached the small pavilion. Raindrops were dancing on the roof above their heads. It made Sauli sad.

“Something is bothering you, Sauli? You haven’t said anything about your meeting with Adam. I hope it was good?”

Sauli sat down on a bench and sighed deeply. “It was good, I guess. At least it was partially good, but also confusing.”

Osmo was sitting beside him and watched him carefully. “How’s that?”

Sauli took a deep breath and looked up to the sky. “It was good to be with him. I felt complete. But I couldn’t stop thinking if it was right, if he was right for me.”

Osmo seemed to be confused when Sauli looked back at him. “I don’t understand, Sauli.”

Sauli sighed again, but kept his eyes on his father. “Adam asked me if I really wanted him or if it was just because of the bond. He asked me what I really want.”

Osmo put his hand over Sauli’s. “Sauli you need to know, that the bond is not a spell to make you choose someone you don’t want. The bond is just a help. It leads you to the path and lights the way. But you have to make the decision to step on it. The bond doesn’t push you into something, it just opens the door.”

Sauli’s eyes went wide. “Does that mean that Adam would seem as interesting to me even without the bond?”

Osmo nodded.

Sauli sat back. “That means I really want him. I want him because I… _I want_ _him!?_ ”

Osmo laughed. “If you do want him, then yes, that is your free will. It’s always you, it’s your heart that’s choosing who you want.”

Sauli shook his head. “I don’t understand, dad. Without the bond we would have never met. There would have been no possible way for me to find him by chance.”

Osmo got up and kissed Sauli’s head. “Are you sure about that? You’re just trying to find an explanation for the bond and how it works. But some things shouldn’t be explained. They don’t need to be explained; they should stay a mystery. That is what love is about, my son. You don’t have to understand it; you just need to do what makes you happy.”

With that Sauli’s father walked back towards the house and left a speechless Sauli sitting on the bench, listening to the falling rain.

~ ♥ ~

“This is not an official intervention, Adam. We don’t see the need for that yet. We are still hopeful, that things will eventually work out between you and Sauli.” Eric’s smile seemed fake.

Adam almost couldn’t resist rolling his eyes. He motioned for the vampires to sit down in the small living room. There were two women and with Eric, four men. One of the men had long, grey hair. He was the first one to speak.

“We have heard about you. Your story is a sad one and we are truly sorry. But we won’t tolerate rejection of our prince. For us it’s clear that you will mate with Prince Sauli. We will not accept anything less.”

Adam could barely hold back his anger. Before he could say anything, one of the women stepped in. There was something about her that reminded Adam of Sauli.

“Adam, you need to understand, we can’t let Sauli die. This is not an option for us. My brother won’t try to force you to complete the mating. But rest assured that I would do anything to save him.” She tried a little smile then. “But I still hope that you can see the man behind the vampire and that you’ll fall for him.”

Adam swallowed. “I understand where you are coming from. And believe me, I am trying my best. But I’m not the only one in this bond. What if Sauli doesn’t want to mate with me?” Adam looked back into their shocked faces.

Eric was the first to speak “That’s not possible, he knows what’s at risk.”

Adam snorted. “Maybe you should talk to him instead of trying to threaten or blackmail me!”

He was really angry now. This was getting exhausting. He closed his eyes briefly, and then he got up. “I don’t think there is anything else to talk about. You made yourself clear. Rest assured that I will not meet with you again unless my council is present as well. I think you’ll be able to find your way out.”

With this said Adam turned around and looked out the window. When he heard the door finally closing he turned back. To his surprise Eric was still in the room.

“What do you want, Eric?” Adam asked exasperated.

Eric smiled. “I don’t agree with all they’ve said. I’m on your side in this. But I will still try do get you to mate with Sauli nonetheless. Not only, because you would save him, but because he could save you too.” He winked at Adam and left the room.

Adam watched him go; a lonesome tear was sliding down his cheek.

~ ♥ ~

The rest of the European leg of the tour was a blur. The shows were amazing and Adam was on fire. He found an outlet for his anger and his insecurity about Sauli’s decision about them. They hadn’t talked since Adam left Finland. He was too stubborn to contact Sauli, because it was still Sauli’s turn to tell him what he really wanted and then to stand up and take it.

Finally the last shows in the UK were over. They haven’t talked for over three weeks and Adam was really aggravated by the whole deal. Tommy was trying his best to cheer him up, but nothing was working for him. Maybe it was just time to get some free days and head back home.

He was lying in his hotel room, the after the show buzz was still running through his body. He was sad and his heart was aching. The animal felt the same. They were suffering together.

Adam couldn’t believe how much he missed Sauli. The few hours he spent with him showed him what could be. And he was really profoundly interested to find out what would come to be.

He missed Sauli. They had such great talks before and it was always so good to talk with Sauli. He sighed with the animal inside himself. He felt tears pushing in his eyes. Again. He felt pathetic, but he couldn’t help it.

It was cold outside. He was missing the sun.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli was restless. He couldn’t make up his mind what to do.

For a while he was angry at his sister and the other council members. Then he was angry at Adam for not contacting him after that incident. Finally he was angry with himself, for so many reasons.

He didn’t try to contact Adam either. Yeah, he was stubborn. He knew it was stupid, but he just couldn’t stop himself from being just as stubborn as Adam was. A knock at his door startled him.

“Come in!” Sauli looked to the door and saw Eric walking in. He nodded towards his friend. Eric walked slowly over to Sauli. Sauli rolled his eyes. “What?”

Eric shrugged. “Nothing.”

Sauli snorted.

“I was just thinking you might want to know that some famous rock star is leaving Europe soon.”

Sauli turned away from Eric, keeping quiet. He could feel Eric coming closer. He almost jumped when he felt Eric’s hand on his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder up at Eric with surprise. Eric didn’t usually touch people.

“Sauli, don’t let him slip away. It’s not too late yet.” Eric stepped back and walked out of the room, leaving a startled Sauli behind.

Sauli leaned his forehead against the window in front of him. He should be honest to himself. He missed Adam. It was driving him crazy not to be with Adam. So why didn’t he just talk to his mate? Why was he avoiding him?

Sauli closed his eyes and took some deep calming breaths. There was a risk that Adam would still say no. But he could say yes too. Maybe they would be together forever. But Sauli would never know if he didn’t talk to Adam.

_Take a risk, Sauli!_

~ ♥ ~

 “ _Adam…_ ”

A whisper was running through him. It felt so unreal; he wanted to stay asleep to be able to hear that voice for a bit longer.

“ _Adam!_ ”

The voice was calling for him, louder now. Adam opened his eyes and sat up, looking around. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was and a few more to recognize that the voice was inside him. It was Sauli calling for him!

“Sauli?” He whispered hopefully.

“ _Yes, it’s me…_ ”

Adam couldn’t stop himself from crying. “Sauli, you’re really calling for me. I was so afraid I would never hear you again.” He voice was breaking. He sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. He was so relieved to hear Sauli again, he couldn’t help himself. He felt a wave of need coming towards him and he knew Sauli had missed him too.

“ _I must see you, Adam. Please, let us meet before you go home. I was stupid and I…_ ”

Adam interrupted him. “Yes, please! I need you! Tell me where and I’ll be there.”

Sauli laughed, clearly relieved. “ _Adam, I guess I am not the one on tour. Tell me, where YOU want ME to meet you. And please make it possible soon_.”

Adam smiled and wiped his tears away. “I know this might sound sappy, but have you ever been to Paris?” Sauli laughed.

Hours later, when they finished talking, a plan to meet up in Paris after Adam’s European tour was made. Adam could finally find some real sleep and smiled while the animal was purring happily inside him.


	3. December 2010 – January 2011

**December 2010 – January 2011**

Sauli’s phone rang. The caller ID said “unknown caller.”

“Hello?”

“Hi, Sauli!” Adam’s voice was crawling through the line and made Sauli smile.

“Hi! Why are you calling me on the phone? You know how it works between us.”

Adam chuckled. “I know. I just wanted to make it about us and not about the bond. Eric gave me your number. I’m calling to give you the address of the hotel where we’re staying. And I… I wanted to ask you out.” Adam’s voice sounded suddenly very shy.

Sauli was tempted to say, “Hey you already have me,” but this was important to Adam. To be honest it was important to both of them. They wanted it to be about them and not only about the bond.

He smiled before he answered. “You’re asking me for a date?”

“Yeah, I would like to take you somewhere romantic tomorrow evening. Would you like that?” Shyness was still lacing Adam’s voice. Sauli thought it was adorable. It made him feel special.

“Of course Adam, I would really like to go out with you. Will you tell me what you’ve got planned?”

The relief in Adam’s voice was touching. “It’s actually a surprise, so you’ll have to wait until you get here.”

Sauli smiled. “I can’t wait to see you.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m so happy right now.”

“That’s how I feel too. So much!”

Adam sighed happily. “Look, I need to go to a photo-shoot right now. I will send a car to the airport to pick you up, just text me your arrival time. And I’ll text you the address of the hotel just in case.”

“See you tomorrow, Adam.”

“See you tomorrow, baby.”

~ ♥ ~

Sauli tightened the scarf around his neck when he walked towards the waiting car. He was so excited and so nervous. Soon he would be with Adam again. And they will have all the time they needed to get to know each other better. Sauli looked up at the blue winter sky and smiled. The driver was standing beside the door, a sign with his name on it in his hand. He opened the door and when Sauli ducked down to get in Adam’s scent engulfed him. He looked up and there he was.

“Adam!”

Adam smiled while Sauli got in and the door was closing behind him. They moved close to each other. Sauli was lost looking into Adam’s eyes and then their lips met in a tender, loving kiss. When the kiss came to an end they smiled at each other happily.

“Hi, baby! I just couldn’t wait to see you, so I pushed an appointment back to be able to meet you here.”

“I’m glad you did.” Sauli reached out to move a strand of hair out of Adam’s face. Then they kissed again.

~ ♥ ~

Adam had to leave for a meeting with some magazine in Paris, so Sauli took the chance to unpack. He was sitting at the window and looked down at Paris below him. The Eifel Tower was in the far background and it was getting dark already.

The date would start at 8 pm, so Sauli decided to get ready. He showered and took his time to fix his hair and to choose the right clothing. He knew Adam would like whatever he would wear, but he still wanted to look special. Then he was waiting for Adam while he let his eyes wander over the lights of Paris.

Life was smiling.

~ ♥ ~

 “Will you finally tell me where we’re going?” Sauli was curious and Adam just smiled secretly.

“Just wait and see, baby.” With that he kissed Sauli’s cheek.

Soon the car stopped and Sauli could see there was a private boat waiting for them on the Seine. It was covered in romantic lights. There was a passenger area with big windows. Adam stepped out of the car and held out his hand for Sauli. Sauli took his hand and stepped out into the crispy night air.

“This looks beautiful.” Sauli was truly touched about Adam’s romantic notions.

“Let’s get on board. We’ll have wine and we can enjoy Paris without freezing. We’ll watch the lights you love so much.”

Sauli turned back to Adam in surprise. “How do you know that I love city lights?”

Adam pulled him into his arms and kissed him briefly. “I was listening when you talked about how much you love seeing the lights of Helsinki at night.”

“You remember that?” Sauli’s voice was almost breaking over the last word.

Adam smiled. “Of course silly! I remember everything you told me.”

Now it was Sauli’s turn to kiss Adam and make his knees go weak. They pulled apart and Adam led them towards the boat. They sat down inside and enjoyed the privacy of looking out without being seen. They cuddled together in the booth and enjoyed the wine. Some old French chanson was coming out of the speakers and Adam was humming to the melody. Sauli looked out of the window and watched Paris moving by.

“We should come back here when it’s warmer. You know, go for a walk at night.”

Adam smiled at that. “I can imagine doing that with you.” He cleared his throat. “I know maybe it is unusual to talk about things like that on the first date, but technically it’s not really a first date and…” He was clearly searching for words.

Sauli turned around to face him and put his hand on Adam’s cheek. “It’s okay. No need to be nervous, just say whatever is on your mind.”

Adam sighed and turned his lips towards Sauli’s palm, leaving a kiss there. “I think we should talk about how this can work out between us. I mean, I live in LA, your home is in Helsinki. I am a rock star with some crazy fans; you are a prince with a scary council behind you. How will we make this work?”

Sauli had to laugh. “Scary council?”

Adam nodded. “Very, especially the gray-haired vampire, who didn’t even bother to introduce himself properly.”

Sauli started laughing like mad. “They really sent Valtteri to you? Oh my god, he is the softest vampire you can imagine. He just looks like he could rule the underworld, but his heart is golden. Believe me, there was no reason to be scared.”

Adam huffed. “Yeah, now you tell me! I was pretty scared back then. But that is not the point now.” He leaned over Sauli and took his hands. “I want you to live with me in Los Angeles. I know you like the warmth and we have pretty lights there too.”

Sauli chuckled.

“Sauli, I know this is a hard decision to make, but I don’t see my career going anywhere in Finland. Being a singer and doing that for a living was always my dream. I want to do this for a while. Can you imagine joining me in L.A.?”

Sauli looked at Adam with his big clear eyes. “Yes, I’ll think about it. I would like to visit you first and see if I can find a place to live. I need a home.”

Adam nodded. “There is more.”

Sauli looked up at Adam. “What?”

“My fans are sometimes very intense. They will try to find everything out about you. No, scratch that: They WILL find everything out about you and I mean: EVERYTHING. Every picture you’ve ever had taken, every word you ever spoke. This can get pretty nasty sometimes; you should know that. They will say that you’re only with me because I am a rock star with a fat bank account.”

Sauli nodded. “I think I can handle that, if I can have you.”

Adam smiled. “Are you sure? You need to let me know if you have doubts.”

Sauli smiled back. “I am sure. I want to be with you and I can deal with your fans.”

Adam sighed in relief.

Sauli looked briefly out of the window and then back at Adam. “You know that you will get some bad things from my side too. I’m a prince, a royal vampire. There will be vampires saying you are trying to get into a better position since you’re not a born vampire. They will deny the truth of our bond and accuse you of seducing me.”

Adam smiled. “Oh, I could seduce you, don’t you think?”

Sauli rolled his eyes and poked Adam with his finger in his chest. “Please, be serious.”

Adam sighed and pulled Sauli closer. “I don’t care what they say or think. I want you to believe me and trust me.” He swallowed hard before he continued. “I want you to want me. I want you to love me, all of me: the man and the animal.”

Sauli leaned closer and let his breath dance over Adam’s lips. “I already love the man and the animal.”

Adam’s eyes went wide for a second before Sauli kissed him and they slid shut.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli was sipping his coffee and looking outside the window. He could feel Adam coming closer. Then he felt Adam’s arms around him, pulling him close. Adam’s mouth was wandering over Sauli’s neck.

“Hey, baby. I see you like watching the sun rise too?”

Sauli giggled and pushed his neck more against Adam’s mouth. Adam took the invitation and nibbled along the sensitive skin. He pulled Sauli close enough to let him feel how much he wanted him. Adam’s hands were now wandering along Sauli’s arms. He took the coffee cup out of Sauli’s hand and put it on the table beside them. He continued to stroke over Sauli’s chest and turned him around so that they were face to face.

“Your eyes are so deep and clear, I just want to dive in and stay there forever.” Adam leaned down and kissed Sauli, letting his tongue slip inside Sauli’s mouth to deepen the kiss. Sauli sighed into Adam’s mouth.

“I’m not a guy like that, Mr. Lambert!” Sauli chuckled while he tried to pull away.

Adam’s lips were chasing Sauli’s mouth. When he didn’t succeed, he sighed. “So, what kind of guy are you?”

Sauli smirked and let his finger trail slowly down Adam’s body, towards his sleep pants. “I don’t only take, I also want to give. And I have a lot to give, especially to you.”

Any answer that Adam might have thought of died inside his head when Sauli started to lick over his nipples.

“Oh, fuck!”

Sauli grinned up at Adam. “Not today and not here.”

Adam looked down at him and again any sensible thought was chased away, when Sauli bit in his nipple. Sauli’s fangs were out now and he was sliding along the nipple with them, without breaking skin.

“Sauli, you’re killing me here!”

Sauli smiled briefly, his fangs clearly visible. Lust was exploding inside Adam. Sauli slid down to the floor and took Adam’s pants with him on his way down. Adam watched him through his lowered lashes. Sauli let one of his fangs slide along his shaft, while his tongue was traveling behind it, to ease the sting that never came.

Adam let his head fall back, barely able to stand upright. “Sauli, you’re so hot, so dangerous, so good.”

Sauli let his fangs slide back inside his mouth and leaned over Adam’s cock to take him in his mouth. He started slowly, to make sure his fangs had retracted. Then he had Adam deep inside his mouth and started to suck.

Adam trembled with need. He knew it would be over soon. He pulled Sauli’s head closer and kept him in place. Sauli looked up at him.

_“Go on! Fuck my mouth!”_

The permission was still echoing in Adam’s head when he started to push in and out of Sauli’s mouth in earnest. He didn’t have to wait long for his orgasm but he was still surprised when it happened. As soon as the last wave was over, he dropped to his knees and kissed Sauli deeply, chasing his semen inside Sauli’s mouth.

Adam put his forehead against Sauli’s. “Wow, that was… amazing.”

Sauli smiled. “Yeah. So I guess you like the kind of guy I am?”

Adam laughed and bit Sauli slightly in his nose. “I would say I like the guy quite a lot.”

“Yeah?” Sauli asked, shyness clouding his eyes.

“Oh, yeah! And now can I return the favor?”

Sauli shook his head. “You don’t need to. Actually I already…uh.. tasting you just…” He dropped his eyes and a blush covered his cheeks.

Adam looked down at Sauli and grinned when he let his finger slide through the come on Sauli’s thighs. He licked it off. “Hmmm…. delicious.” He took some more and then kissed Sauli again, deeply. When he pulled away he whispered. “Now at least our seed is mixed.”

Sauli smiled. “Yeah, it’s a good start, I think.” He kissed Adam and then they took a shower.

~ ♥ ~

They decided to take a walk sightseeing in Paris. Afterwards they wanted to go back to the hotel, drink coffee in their room and enjoy their privacy. They sat on the bed, facing each other and drinking their coffees.

“What did you mean earlier with “not today and not here?”

Sauli sighed. “I want our mating to be something special. I want it to happen in our own home and at a time when we are both sure we want it.”

Adam nodded. “I understand. Once our blood is mixed there’ll be no turning back; for neither one of us. It will change everything but I think it’s good.”

Sauli looked down, pretending to be searching for something in his coffee.

“Sauli?”

When his eyes still remained fixed on his cup, Adam set both cups on the nightstand and moved closer. He took Sauli’s face in his hands. “You can trust me.”

Sauli blinked slowly. “I know that. I just don’t want to risk that your hopes won’t get fulfilled, that you won’t get the fix you’re hoping for.”

Adam kissed him slowly and then looked deep into his eyes. “Sauli, when we mate, it will be because I want to mate with you, not because I want to be fixed. I want to be with you and to feel you all the way. I think of the mating more like a wedding vow, like a promise.”

Sauli had to blink his eyes to try and stop the tears but it was useless. Adam kissed them away.

“I’m just afraid, that we mate and you won’t get what you hoped for and then you’ll leave me. Not all mated pairs are living together, you know?”

Adam put a finger on Sauli’s lips. “Hush. We’re bound to be afraid! But when we mate it will be because we decide to stay together, no matter what. You and me baby, we’ll give new meaning to forever, okay?”

Sauli nodded and Adam pulled him into another kiss, he clearly wanted more. The fire between them was burning on such an intense level it was not possible for them to stay away from each other. Hands were roaming over their bodies, clothes were pulled off. Their kisses were sloppy and Adam found it hard to leave his fangs in.

Sauli’s blood was calling out for him. The animal wasn’t helping in that matter. They had a truce between them the last few days, but now the animal was trying to force Adam to claim Sauli. The voice was getting louder and finally Adam couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled away and stood up right in front of the bed.

“Sorry, Sauli, we need to slow down. My animal wants to claim you now. It’s driving me insane. And to be honest, I want that too. Your blood is crying out for me. You pull me in. I want to have a taste of your blood so badly.”

Adam let his fingers cross behind his back and started pacing naked around the room. Sauli’s scent was driving him nuts. The vampire in him was trying to pounce and claim Sauli. The inner fight was torture for him. He didn’t want to hurt Sauli but how could he deal with that?

_“I need your blood, Sauli! Stop me!”_

Adam felt bad for using their bond for that message, but everything else was useless. It was getting louder and louder in his head. He was about to explode when he could hear Sauli speaking.

“You can bite me, but not on my neck. And we don’t fuck. We definitely won’t fuck!”

_Silence._

Out of nowhere there was just this: Silence. The animal was purring and waiting.

Adam looked up at Sauli, his eyes wide in shock. “What?”

Sauli moved closer, crawling on the bed. “You can bite me and take a taste from me. As long as we don’t fuck and mix our blood together, we won’t be mating. I would let you bite me here.” He moved his hand towards his crotch, right above his cock. You won’t break my skin easily and there won’t be much blood, but enough for a taste, if that’s what you want. Or should I say, what the animal wants?”

Adam dropped to his knees, his head in his hands, sobbing. “I’m sorry, Sauli. I can’t stop it from wanting it. And it hurts that it wants you so badly. It’s really hurting him to not have you right now.”

Sauli jumped out of the bed and was beside Adam. He put his arms around him. “I don’t blame you. My offer is still on. I will let you take a taste. But, you need to know something.”

Adam looked up at him, tears blurring his vision. “What?”

“Once you tasted my blood, the bond will be stronger, at least for you. You will be yearning for me, all the time. It will make you miserable when I am not with you for a long time. You need to know that.”

Adam wiped the tears out of his eyes. “But where is the sense in that then?”

Sauli sighed. “Maybe your animal will get a little more relaxed? The other thing is that it will make you really happy, at least for a short time.”

“How long?”

Sauli shrugged. “I don’t know, for some days, at best maybe a few weeks.”

Adam sighed. “Would the longing be worse after that?”

“Honestly? I don’t know, I can’t guarantee that it won’t get worse.”

Adam sat down and let Sauli hug him for a while. He had some thinking to do and Sauli was happy just holding him. They both calmed down.

“Sauli, this get-together will be over the day after tomorrow. We need to talk about when you can join me.”

Sauli nodded. “Your tour is over, isn’t it?”

Adam smiled while he took Sauli’s hand. “I have some Jingle Balls to do and two shows in Los Angeles. Then I’m free. I want to take some time off before I start recording again. Do you think you could come in January? Maybe for my birthday?” Adam’s voice sounded full of hope.

Sauli moved his face closer to Adam’s. “I will need some time to organize everything, but I think I can make it. I want to make it happen.”

They smiled at each other and Adam pulled Sauli into his lap. He kissed along Sauli neck, his fangs slowly pushing out. He let them slide along Sauli’s neck and over his shoulder. Then he pushed Sauli backwards until Sauli’s upper back was lying on the bed. His legs were around Adam’s waist.

Adam put his hands under Sauli’s cheeks and pulled his ass up, so he could lick over Sauli’s shaft. The taste of pre-come was exploding on his tongue. He let his tongue slide around the head and nibbled at the edge. Sauli was moaning and couldn’t stop himself from trusting upwards. Adam was licking up and down his shaft now, while his fingers were digging firmly into Sauli’s buttocks.

“Adam, bite me! Please!” Sauli was panting heavily between the words.

Adam could feel the animal jumping on Sauli and pushing him. His fangs were out again. He took Sauli’s cock in one of his hands and locked his gaze with Sauli’s. Sauli let one of his fingers slide over the fangs.

“Adam, you are so beautiful, so beautiful!” Adam leaned down, while he kept his eyes on Sauli’s. Then his fangs were scratching against the soft skin on Sauli’s lower stomach. Sauli bucked up, against the pressure and the fangs were breaking the skin. The smell of Sauli’s blood hit Adam first, then the taste. It was such an intense experience, it almost knocked Adam out.

Sauli’s blood was delicious, the taste sweet and strong. The first seconds, Adam was unable to concentrate on what he was doing. Then he moved his hand up and down Sauli’s cock. Sauli was losing it above him; his orgasm hit him so hard Adam could feel his body go absolutely rigid under him. When Sauli’s come hit Adam’s chin, he pulled his fangs slowly out and licked over the wounds and over the semen drops on Sauli’s stomach. He kissed his softening cock and pulled Sauli up to kiss him.

“Sauli, you taste wonderful. Thank you, baby.”

“That was… wow. I never felt like that.” Sauli was still trembling in Adam’s arms. The intensity of his orgasm surprised him. He lost all control over his body. If this was happening with such a small bite, how much more would it hit him if they’d actually really mate?

They were both exhausted from the experience. They just laid down and fell asleep. Talking could wait.

The animal was smiling inside of Adam.

~ ♥ ~

Sauli slowly woke up. He was blinking against the sun light. Then he could feel Adam’s lips tracing along his neck, placing small kisses there. He smiled with closed eyes.

“Morning!”

Adam giggled against Sauli’s skin. Sauli opened his eyes noticing something was different about Adam. He looked into Adam’s eyes when he was climbing over Sauli to lay down on him.

“You are different today. I mean, there is something different about you.”

Adam kissed Sauli lightly on the lips. “I’m happy. Completely happy, that’s all.” He laughed, throwing his head back and rolling with Sauli in the bed until he had him under his body again. “I never felt like this before. It’s just so good.”

Sauli stroked Adam’s face, a smile on his own lips. “I like seeing you like that. I’m glad my blood helped you a bit.”

Adam’s eyes went wide. “A bit? Sauli, your blood opened a whole new world for me. I thought our bond was already strong, but now, this is just unbelievable. It’s like you are inside me.” He leaned down and kissed Sauli deeply. When the kiss ended, he looked deep into Sauli’s eyes. “I can’t wait for our mating.” He rested his forehead against Sauli’s and they were breathing each other in and out for a while.

The animal rested with a content smile on its face.

~ ♥ ~

It was hard to let go. But eventually they had to. Adam was on his way back to the USA, to some radio Jingle Ball. He was not even sure where that one was. He didn’t care. He closed his eyes and imagined Sauli’s face in front of him. When he remembered how much he’d been fighting the bond, he could just slap himself for all the wasted time.

He was the happiest he’d ever been for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t stop smiling. He continued to feel that way through all the Jingle Balls and the last Glam Nation Tour concerts. The happiness was just radiating from him. It seemed like everything was good. Everything was making him happy and he felt elated and free.

And then out of nowhere he woke up one day in January and felt lost.

It was so unexpected; he didn’t know what to do with the intensity of that feeling. He curled up into a tight ball under the covers and reached out for Sauli.

“ _Adam? What’s wrong?_ ”

Sauli’s voice was causing more pain, because it was not enough. He wanted to touch Sauli. Tears were running down his face and he couldn’t calm down enough to get one word out of his mouth.

 _“Honey, please! Talk to me!”_ Sauli was panicking.

Adam took several gasping breaths and was finally able to talk. “It’s over. I mean, that good feeling I got after I drank your blood? It’s gone.”

Sauli sighed trough the connection. “ _I’m sorry, honey. So sorry! What can I do?”_

Adam sniffled. “Please, just come to me soon. I… I need you…so much.” Adam swallowed hard. The need for Sauli was slamming through him as if it was physical pain.

_“I will be with you as soon as I can. Just hold on, honey.”_

Sauli kept talking to Adam while he was sobbing. It was hard to deal with being so far apart at that very moment. He needed to do something to make Adam feel better. It was several days before he could get there. Suddenly Sauli had an idea.

_“Adam, do you trust me? I want to try something.”_

Adam was holding his breath, while he said, “Of course, baby”

Sauli reached out deeper into Adam’s mind to get to the animal. It was the first time he did actively try to contact the animal inside Adam. It was not hard to find. Sauli was surprised that the animal seemed calm in the face of Adam’s despair.

Sauli moved close enough to whisper in the animal’s ear. _“Hey, vampire!”_

The animal perked up instantly aware of Sauli’s presence but also of Adam’s hurt which it found confusing.

 _“Calm down. Everything is fine. Adam is hurting, because the effect of my blood is gone._ _He’s missing me.”_

He waited until the animal stopped looking around and concentrated on Sauli’s words. “ _I need you to help him. I’ll be with you both soon, but until then, you need to help him, comfort him._ ”

The animal huffed at Sauli, but then it nodded. Sauli could feel the animal reaching for Adam and pulling him closer. That was new between them and Sauli was happy that he had sensed the change correctly.

“I will take care of him. I am a part of him; he is a part of me. I love him; you must know that, Sauli.”

Sauli nodded. “ _I know. That is the reason why I am asking you. I knew you could do it._ ”

Sauli pulled away from the animal. “ _Adam, you need to trust your animal. It will help you._ ”

Adam was confused. “Why should it help me? It seems to hate me.”

Sauli shook his head. “ _No, it loves you. Just let it take care of you until I can be with you. Can you do that for me, my love?_ ”

Tears rolled unchecked down Adam’s face. “Yeah.”

~ ♥ ~

The animal was doing an amazing job. It was caring and surprisingly loving. Adam enjoyed its company while he moved in his new home. He started decorating everything. But it was getting harder.

Adam reached his breaking point when he attended the Premiere of RuPaul's Drag Race. Sutan alias Raja, was a contestant on that show and Adam and his band members were there to support Raja. He did some interviews and actually had fun. Sauli would be there in two days and Adam was so excited.

By the end of the party Adam got a call from Sauli. They used phones rarely, but Sauli knew where Adam was, so he didn’t connect him through their bond.

“Sauli, baby?”

“Adam, I have some bad news.”

Adam could feel his heart sinking. “What’s wrong?”

Sauli sighed. “My flight got cancelled. I’ll be there only one day before your birthday. I’m sorry.”

Adam could feel eyes on him. He had to stay upright; he had to keep the happy face. But it was hard. He felt so lost without Sauli. He was hurting. He could feel the animal reaching out for him, but couldn’t find the comfort in it.

“Sauli, I can’t talk now. There are paparazzi everywhere. I don’t want to break down here. Can I talk to you when I get home? I’ll leave now, okay?” His voice was trembling.

“Yes, of course. Please, call for me when you get home. I’ll be waiting.”

Adam turned around to look for Tommy and the other people he was with at the party. He told them that they had to leave. He told Tommy the reason. Tommy was very protective of him on their way to the car. Adam was fighting to keep cool, but the paparazzi caught him sitting in the car close to tears anyway. It hurt him that he wasn’t able to prevent it from happening. He put his head down and soon the car was driving away from the camera's flashing lights.

As soon as he was home he undressed and walked towards his bedroom. The animal was stroking his insides, but it didn’t calm him down. He was reaching out for Sauli and before he was lying on his bed, Sauli’s voice filled the emptiness inside him.

_“Adam, just a few more days. You’ll make it. Soon, I’ll be with you.”_

In his mind Adam curled himself around Sauli and finally managed to fall asleep.

~ ♥ ~

 “Where is he?” Sauli didn’t bother to hug back when Sutan enveloped him in an embrace.

“Yeah, hello to you too.”

Sauli rolled his eyes. “It’s nice to see you again Sutan, but I need to get to him, like yesterday!”

Sutan pulled Sauli with him, when they hurried to the car. “I know. Seriously, we were worried for the last two weeks. Even the council visited him twice to make sure he didn’t want for anything, besides seeing you.”

Sauli sighed. “Please, get me to him.”

Sutan nodded and told the driver to find the fastest way to Adam’s house.

When they arrived, Sauli all but jumped out of the car and sprinted towards the front door. He could feel Adam inside and the door opened as soon as Sauli made to knock. Adam pulled him inside and into his arms. Sauli buried his face into Adam’s chest and Adam was holding him as tight as he could without actually crawling inside him. Sauli could feel Adam breathing him in and finally relaxing. After a few minutes, Adam let Sauli go for a bit but only enough to look at him and to be able to kiss him.

Behind them Sutan was noisily clearing his throat. Adam and Sauli just kept kissing. Sutan laughed. “I’ll see you later boys.” He left the house and let the doors close behind him.

~ ♥ ~

Breathing is such a fundamental und easy thing to do. At least it is, as long as you don’t have to force yourself to do it. When you have to remind yourself to breathe, then it’s just painful. That was how Adam felt when he was apart from Sauli. Breathing was a duty he had to keep up until Sauli would be with him again.

The moment he was holding Sauli in his arms; everything became easy again. Breathing didn’t require any thought. All it took was the scent of his mate in his nose, his taste in his mouth and his touch on his skin and he couldn’t get enough of all of it.

Adam kept sighing into Sauli’s mouth. His hands were pulling him closer and closer to him. He started to pull Sauli’s clothes off, to get more of his taste, to get to his naked skin. Sauli was on board with the idea of getting naked. He pulled on Adam’s shirt and pants and soon they were both naked and pressed against each other. Hands were wandering over skin, discovering every bump, every wrinkle, every bruise. They were touching and loving, on and on. There was no hurry and no purpose; it was just about touching and being touched.

Sauli was tired and Adam could feel it. He led his mate to the bedroom and they were laying in each other’s arms on the bed. There was nothing between their bodies, they were enveloped in each other and finally Adam could fall asleep. He pulled Sauli closer as he felt sleep taking over and he relaxed.

~ ♥ ~

When they woke up again, the first thing Adam thought was that he was feeling so good. Everything was in balance right now and the smell of his mate was just as sweet as he remembered it. He sighed into Sauli’ neck and could hear an answering chuckle. He turned Sauli around in his arms and looked into those shiny eyes. They stayed like that for a while, just smiling and drinking each other in with every breath.

Finally Adam leaned in and bit Sauli’s bottom lip gently. Then he let his tongue sooth the sting and Sauli moaned before he put his arms around Adam’s neck to pull him down into a proper kiss. When the kiss came to a natural end, Sauli touched Adam’s nose with his own.

“Hi, love!”

Adam rubbed his nose against Sauli’s. “Hi, baby. I’ve missed you.”

Sauli giggled. “Yeah?” He kissed Adam again. “I kind of missed you too.”

They laughed at each other. Adam took Sauli’s face in his hands and turned their bodies around, until Sauli was under him. His eyes turned serious when he started to stroke over Sauli’s cheeks. “I thought I would die waiting for you. It was so painful. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”

Sauli kissed Adam’s palm and then turned his face back to Adam. “I felt awful too. I tried everything to get here faster, but it didn’t work out. I felt like I was letting you down. **I** don’t ever want to feel like that again. I felt so helpless.”

They looked into each other’s eyes. Adam swallowed hard. “Sauli, I know it was hard for you to wait for me. It was hard to keep your faith in our bond. But I am ready now. I really am ready.”

Sauli could feel tears spilling out of the corner of his eyes. “I want that too. I want you.”

Adam leaned down again to let their lip touch. They kept the kiss light and gentle. There was plenty of time to explore “hot and passionate” later. Now it was time for loving and sweet.

“Welcome home, Sauli.”

Sauli deepened the kiss and let his happiness embrace them. Yes, he was finally home.

~ ♥ ~

 

 

**February – May 2011**

It took a lot of talking and organizing, but finally Sauli moved in with Adam. He smiled about his family’s reaction. They were so happy that he’d finally found his mate and everything came together. Sauli promised to keep in contact and to visit as often as he could or as often as Adam would let him go.

The council was not amused with Sauli’s move to California. They were happy that the mating would happen and of course the union between two countries, or in this case, two continents, was amazing. Still, they wanted to keep Sauli in Finland and to get Adam to move over there. It took Sauli a lot of time to get permission to move to the states. Adam’s council was very happy to welcome him.

Sauli brought some of his stuff with him to L.A. but he and Adam agreed that they wanted to buy a house in Finland too. Sauli had to promise to visit often, so they wanted to have a second home there. But all this had to wait. First Sauli wanted to make himself at home. He wanted the house Adam rented for them to be a home for both of them. And after some weeks of hard work and decorating, he was finally happy with the result.

Tonight was the night. They’d planned it for a while. It was not like they wanted it to be perfect, but they wanted it to happen in a place where they were both happy and relaxed.

Sauli smiled while he looked out the window. It was still his favorite thing to do: watching the lights of the city. Now it was Los Angeles under him. He also enjoyed seeing the sun going down or rising up. It was magical. Just as magical as his life had become since he was living with Adam. They fell easily into their new life and Sauli was happy.

Adam was now preparing something for them. He was really romantic and Sauli could understand why it was so important for Adam to fall for him. He smiled while he thought about the last two months: Adam’s birthday, Bora Bora, his birthday, all those new people he’d met, and the life he was living now with his mate.

He could smell Adam closer to him now and turned around right as Adam walked into the room.

“Are you ready, baby?” Adam laid his arms on Sauli’s shoulders.

“I am.” Sauli leaned up and kissed Adam gently on the lips.

Adam took his hand and led him towards their bathroom. He prepared a bath with some bath oils and rose petals. Adam was wearing a bathrobe and obviously had nothing underneath. He pulled Sauli closer to pull his shirt and his shorts off. “You know those blue shorts drive me crazy, don’t you?”

Sauli smiled wickedly, “I had no idea.”

Finally Adam managed to get Sauli completely naked and opened his robe to let it slide to the floor. They let their eyes roam over their bodies.

“You are so beautiful, Sauli, so beautiful.” Adam reached out and let his knuckles slide slowly over Sauli’s chest. He leaned down and kissed along Sauli’s chest. Sauli was trembling under Adam’s touch. Adam got up to kiss Sauli again while he moved them towards the bathtub. He got inside and reached out for Sauli to pull him in. Sauli followed willingly. Adam leaned against the tub and pulled Sauli with his back against his chest. He started to wash Sauli’s body with a sponge.

Sauli let his head fall against Adam’s shoulder. Adam put some more soap on the sponge and rubbed it over Sauli’s stomach. Sauli was pushing into Adam’s touch. Adam turned his head towards Sauli’s neck and started to nibble. Soon his fangs were pushing hard to come out. He scratched slightly over Sauli’s vein. His hand with the sponge was now over Sauli’s cock. He started to rub faster over Sauli’s cock while he sucked a mark into Sauli’s neck.

“Adam, stop or this will be over way too soon…” Sauli turned his head around to be able to kiss Adam’s cheek. At the same time he turned in Adam’s lap and was now sitting in Adam’s crotch. He leaned down and started to lick over Adam’s exposed fangs.

“Oh, Sauli.” Adam laid his hands on Sauli’s butt and pulled him closer, their cocks touching and moving against each other.

“Do we want to move that over to the bed?” Adam licked over Sauli’s pecks.

Sauli shivered. “Yes, that is a great idea. Let me get a towel.”

Sauli got up and climbed out of the tub, exposing his butt to Adam, who couldn’t resist biting into his flesh. “Hmm… your ass is delicious, Sauli.”

Sauli giggled while he managed to get out of the tub. He got a big towel and wrapped it around his body, leaving it open in the front to let Adam get in. They were standing close, while Sauli dried Adam’s body. Adam used the time to let his hands wander over Sauli’s stomach, and moved lower and lower.

Finally Sauli pulled away and took off running towards their bedroom, Adam hot on his heels. He caught Sauli right in front of the bed and pulled his back against him. Sauli’s body was pressed along Adam’s front. Adam started to nibble and lick along Sauli’s neck and down his spine. His hands were on Sauli’s hips and he pushed so he had no choice but to bend over. Sauli’s knees were now on the bed. Adams face was right above Sauli’s ass crack. He nibbled along the crack towards Sauli’s hole. Sauli pressed his face into the pillow and pushed his ass up in Adam’s face.

Adam was breathing Sauli in and licked towards his hole. When the first flick of his tongue touched the rim, Sauli bucked helplessly against Adam’s mouth. Adam’s grip on Sauli’s hips grew firmer. Sauli spread his legs wider and Adam let his tongue dance over his rim.

“Fuck, Adam.”

Adam chuckled against Sauli’s skin. “Soon baby, soon.” He took one of his hands away from Sauli’s hip and let his finger trace around his hole. Then he let his finger slip inside Sauli, right beside his tongue. Sauli was panting for air. Adam kept moving his finger inside Sauli while his mouth sucked on his rim. Then he let his mouth wander back up Sauli’s spine. “I need to be inside you, baby. Now.”

Adam could feel Sauli shudder under him. Adam licked over Sauli’s neck and cheek towards Sauli’s mouth. He pulled his hand around Sauli’s throat to pull him back into a bruising kiss. Then he turned them around, so Sauli was on his back. He leaned down to kiss Sauli some more. “I love your mouth, your lips, and your tongue. I want to stay like this forever, kiss and lick and bite you.”

Sauli groaned. “Yeah, bite me, please love, claim me, and make me yours.”

Adam could feel the animal inside him perking up. It was waiting for the mating, for the claim. Adam could feel his fangs pushing out again. He looked for the lube he’d put under the pillow when he prepared the bed earlier. He found it and opened it. He took Sauli’s hand und poured some of it on Sauli’s fingers, then he poured some more on his fingers.

“Baby, I want you to open yourself up for me. I will join you.”

Sauli nodded and Adam sat up beside him. Sauli spread his legs and put his heels flat on the bed. He let two of his fingers slide between his legs towards his hole. Adam was watching when Sauli’s fingers pressed in. He swallowed hard, when the fingers slipped inside Sauli and he bucked up.

“Baby, you are so hot like this. Move your fingers, let me see it.”

Sauli was biting his lip while he fucked himself with his fingers. Adam played lazily with his cock while he watched Sauli. Then he moved closer and let one of his fingers join Sauli’s fingers. He went slow and pushed inside Sauli. The feeling was incredible and they both moaned loudly. They moved together in and out for a few minutes, until Sauli started to beg Adam to finally take him. Adam pulled his finger out of Sauli and put some lube on his cock. Adam settled between Sauli’s legs. Sauli pulled his fingers out and held his butt up to give Adam better access to his hole.

Sauli could feel Adam’s cock against his entrance and opened his eyes to look at Adam. “I love you so much.” Adam stopped in his tracks to lean down and kiss Sauli. He leaned his head against Sauli forehead. “I love you too, baby. I love you!” Then he pushed in with one smooth motion. Sauli gasped and moved up, his legs around Adam’s waist, his arms around his neck.

Adam started to fuck Sauli in a steady rhythm. He let his fangs wander over Sauli’s neck, closer and closer to his pulse. He could feel the vampire’s blood calling out for him. The animal pushed him forward and Adam let his fangs sink into Sauli’s flesh. The moment Sauli’s blood flowed into his mouth; Adam could feel himself getting close. Sauli’s blood was even sweeter then he remembered. He could taste Sauli’s arousal.

Adam pulled away to give Sauli access to his blood. Sauli was only waiting for it. His fangs were already out, his eyes were red. Adam pushed deeper and deeper into Sauli. Then Sauli sank his fangs into his flesh and started to drink Adam’s blood. The second Sauli’s fangs broke his skin, Adam started to come.

“Sauli, oh my God!”

Sauli pulled his fangs out and gave Adam his wrist, while he took Adam’s. They both sank their fangs into the other’s wrist. They kept their eyes on each other, reflecting the red glow in them. Adam was coming and Sauli’s orgasm started almost in the same second. It seemed to go on forever. Once the last drop of come left their bodies, they pulled their fangs out and then kissed each other, blood mixing in their mouths.

~ ♥ ~

Adam brought a washcloth and a towel to clean them up. Then they were lying in each other’s arms. Adam was watching Sauli’s bite marks closing slowly.

“Mine!” He licked over the marks.

Sauli smiled up at him. “Mine! Yours! Forever!”

Adam leaned down and kissed Sauli gently. “Forever!”

They entwined their fingers and enjoyed the afterglow of their mating. Suddenly Adam sat up with a jolt.

“What’s wrong love?” Sauli looked at him with concern.

Adam was breathing hard. “It’s gone. I mean, not really, but I can’t feel it like before.”

Sauli sat up. “The animal?”

Adam nodded. “Yeah, I can’t separate him from myself anymore. It’s as if, as if we are one now. Does that make sense?”

Sauli could feel tears in his eyes when he pulled Adam’s face closer. “Baby, it worked! You are fixed now, you’re whole.”

Adam looked at him in awe. “You’re right, and it feels so good!” He jumped up and started to sing and dance around in the bedroom. Sauli laughed at him, clearly relieved. He moved across the bed until he was on the edge. He reached out for Adam and pulled him closer. “I love you. I just wanted you to know. I’m so happy our mating made you whole.”

Adam smiled down at Sauli. “Sauli, I am not sure I am completely fixed.”

Sauli’s eyes went wide. “You are not, but…” He stopped when Adam put his finger on Sauli’s lips and winked at him.

“Oh… I understand.” He laughed and said “We need to make sure, it really worked out, yeah?” He let his finger wander over Adam’s already half hard cock.

Adam was biting his lip while he pushed Sauli back and crawled between his legs. “We really need to make sure.” He put his fingers between Sauli’s cheeks. “I see you are still slick and I want to have you again. Can I, baby?”

Sauli put one of his legs on Adam’s shoulder. He let Adam’s cock slide over his hole. “Yeah, take me.” Adam pushed inside and they started to make love again. This time they went very slow and took their sweet time.

~ ♥ ~

“How do we make our mating official?”

Sauli shrugged. “Usually other vampires can smell it. But I don’t think that will work for the Finnish vampires. I mean it’s been almost three weeks and I didn’t get any congratulation cards or anything.” Sauli chuckled.

“What about a tweet?”

Sauli smiled. “Yeah, that is a great idea. And when you are done, I would like to check out the swimming pool.”

“Skinny dipping?” Adam asked hopefully.

“You bet!” Sauli was already pulling off his blue shorts and walking outside.

Adam pushed send on Twitter and smiled when his mentions went crazy.

Adam closed his laptop and walked outside. The body of his mate was shining in the moonlight. He pulled off his clothes and walked into the water and towards his waiting mate to make love under the moon.

~ ♥ ~

Tommy smiled at the tweet. He turned around to Eric and showed him the picture. “I guess now everyone knows.”

Eric grinned. “Yes, even in Finland everyone will know.

 

Rakastan! 2011-05-02

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The vampires don't want to let me go. There is some more to tell you. I am writing a sequel. If you want to see a little teaser for that, please read my fic [ Tasting a mate ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/651428)
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it :)


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